It was hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once

This was inspired by blossomfully

I dont think we started out thinking we would fall. No, we just do. Whether it was a string of fate that tie us together or just mere coincidence. We were there, happy. But that time has past

But that's not how i want you to remember it.

I want you to remember the random text messages that were sent and how the most ridiculous of stuff could put a smile on your face. Remember me laughing at your corny jokes, even the stupid ones. Especially the stupid ones. Remember how i refuse to back down from my own arguments even when they don't make sense, how insane that drove you. Remember me, the impulsive me who did brash things just for that fleeting moment of adrenaline. Remember me, scared. Remember my fear of thunder and how I thought cupping my ears would make them go away. Remember me, closed off from the world, delicate and fragile, as if a slightest touch would break me.

Remember me being sassy, and all the eye rolling I did whenever we had those moments of bitchiness. Remember that triumph smile you had when you beat my high scores. Remember the stubbornness in us where we refuse to give in as we wrestled our ways through. Remember all the songs we sang and the words that keep spinning even when the night has turn to dawn. Remember the fear of forgetting and the desperation to remember. Remember hoping, remember dreaming. If there is only consolation, I had the same path as well, with you. 

when it all boils down, I dont wish for you to remember how it ends. 

Remember the beginning, remember the first time you knew.

i woke to nightmares again. This will probably be the nth time this is happening. Sleep eludes me and when I do finally close my eyes, all I feel is silence. The strange numbness and the breathlessness kicked in.
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Ruo ning came over to science the other day. It reminded me of secondary school days and of these group of people that has morphed into daph rescue team. I miss that, I miss being showered with care and concern. I was at the lowest point in my life, where most of my days was spent curling up to a corner, gasping for air and how it was hard to even walk. Knowing my lone wolf character, I never had the chance to be alone, each moment was spent fretting over my reckless behaviour. No running, no cold drinks, no chance to be upset at all. There was always warmth.

I probably haven't told anyone in my school yet about my condition. This is my first time sitting in exam conditions and honestly speaking, that scares the fuck out of me. My mind goes blank most of the times and I always feel the bile rising in of not being good enough or that i haven't studied enough and i couldn't shake off the feelings. I think it took a worse when exams ended and my whole face was just flushed, and im left trying to control my breathing.
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sigh. I need better control of my emotions.