i woke to nightmares again. This will probably be the nth time this is happening. Sleep eludes me and when I do finally close my eyes, all I feel is silence. The strange numbness and the breathlessness kicked in.
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Ruo ning came over to science the other day. It reminded me of secondary school days and of these group of people that has morphed into daph rescue team. I miss that, I miss being showered with care and concern. I was at the lowest point in my life, where most of my days was spent curling up to a corner, gasping for air and how it was hard to even walk. Knowing my lone wolf character, I never had the chance to be alone, each moment was spent fretting over my reckless behaviour. No running, no cold drinks, no chance to be upset at all. There was always warmth.

I probably haven't told anyone in my school yet about my condition. This is my first time sitting in exam conditions and honestly speaking, that scares the fuck out of me. My mind goes blank most of the times and I always feel the bile rising in of not being good enough or that i haven't studied enough and i couldn't shake off the feelings. I think it took a worse when exams ended and my whole face was just flushed, and im left trying to control my breathing.
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sigh. I need better control of my emotions.