;

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

goodbye raven

was it stupidity or just a childish hope?
-
it felt like a final note to seeing you guys. 24 men team. It was something that you guys fought for, over and over again.
and this time, you guys made it.
I debated for a long time whether i should go, whether I should just leave it all behind.
but I guess a part of me still earnestly want to be there, to see it, one last time.
-
yet perhaps I wasn't ready,
wasn't ready for all the hurt that follow
of people judging me, for being the cause of the heartbreak
or for the accusation that I left you for someone else, or that I'm already full fledged dating again.
-
in that midst of the crowd, with a blown out panic attack,
or tears that threaten to spill.
i dont regret going. I dont regret being there seeing the progress all these years.
i dont regret cheer.
---

in the crown of thorns,
i enthrone us
the knifes i hurl at myself
the wounds i keep picking
as I spiral once more
with blood trickling.

maybe it's because ravens belong to the sky
while I belong to my solitude.