Plastered smiles

It's those wait that make you wonder, those that you can't change its fate.

All you could do is not let those fluttering wings settle inside.

Courage could lift you for awhile, before you let those worries

dragged you back down to the pits of despair.

How long I yearn, to know, yet how much i fear to know.

It's those feelings that kept this loner awake.

Waiting, waiting.

For sleep to catch onto her,

so that she no longer is trapped.

By her very own thoughts.

Haven't written for a long while.

I am still searching for an answer. To explain the cause.

Yet i hate to be judged. The whole week has just been

toss and turns of heartaches. Tears that slipped past.

The aching need to feel wanted come rushing back again.

Yesterday, that desire stirred in me again.

So i went back, hoping somehow things will be different.

Hoping somehow someone would ask me what's wrong.

That they could see that i'm different.

That i'm hurting inside.

But plastered smile i kept on my face,

while dying inside, i could no longer hold on.

Words drifted past me, hellos and goodbyes were

not meant to me.

I was just a wanderer, wind that come and past.

A phase, but never a permanent residence.

that's what i will be.

So doubts would swirl with me today.

I can't put words in my lips again.

As i lie, waiting for someone to rescue me.

I have no strength to go on,

No more strength to keep a plastered smile.

Cause i can't keep hiding and lying.

Not to myself.