Masquerade

Whoever told you that being beautiful is painless was obviously kidding or they had never wore heels. 


Whichever case, I died wearing those stiletto heels. It really kills, and i have blisters to prove it = = But the aftermath of yesterday was mainly the strong desire to amputate my legs and probably just that feeling that it's over.


Yep, we have finally graduated.


4 years ago, we were kids growing up in a strange environment, refusing to ever believe that our lives in this school could change as much as our last school. But it did. It really did. 


Remember those times when you get lost trying to find your way around. Those shirts that are tugged way too in. The panic feeling when you forgotten to bring tie on a certain day.

Then probably come the rebellious period where we started breaking rules, without ever caught. And all the crazy antics we do in school, and all those jokes that no one but us know about. The computer which was bloody distracting for our studies, and of course, the special occasion where we start giving gifts for no goodness reasons. Valentine. Teachers' day. Birthday. Graduation. Farewell. Angel & Mortal systems. How many letters that we have written to each other? 


For me,


I will never forget these four years of my life i spend. 


The first year of unsettled feelings, the dark period where i lost myself in games. Where i was feeling as though no one would ever bother, the feeling of being outcast,  all slowly changed due to some gifts angels send to me, these friends I called my LF. They took me out of it, i never spend one day where i felt as though that i would ever drift back to it.


Rekha. Perlyn. Haseena. Carmen. Natalie. Joanna.


Thank you. for the first two years in school. I will never forget how we are so crazy, and so sick minded. They are the days which we spend in the basketball court, in the parade square, in the art room. Exchanging laughter and playing a week before exam. Those were the days where we start laughing for no goodness reasons, and how we made our teachers give us the weird looks.

Of course, there is choir. Choir who has given me how things can change so swiftly, and  I met gems in the sand. We had Ms ong for the first year, and I was in sop2 for awhile, of all the time i bullied my seniors and just enjoyed being bonded, and how that changed when i moved to alto one. I remember sulking about it for awhile, but after that, it was fine. I still found friends there which really make me feel right at home. We had our share of dislike and bitching, drama always ensures, and sometimes it feels so exhausting to continue even more. Being a QM and the responsibility it carried was exhausting. Syf. Musical evening, all the flowers you received,  the tickets you have to sell, the one hour lunch break, the time we spend at the CCA room. All of them bring back the nostalgic feelings, of course i met seniors who been a great source of encouragement.


Then the 3rd and 4th year of my life, was one of the strangest moment. Depression sunk in when everything starts falling apart, we had OBS, we had one of the craziest year during our 3rd year. trying our best to cope with studies and cca. I met great friends there too, and in our 4th year, we bonded very well. Of course not to mention we had our major exams here, and we have the best teachers to guide us along the way, there was never a dull moment. all the chionging of homework, the funfair where we had, the syf we had for the second round, and of course, the recess and lunch we had that always ensured laughter, This year was also the year my health deteriorated a lot, probably the stress and the bottled feeling. I was absent for quite some time, but no matter how many times I acted up, i always know i have strong hands that will pull me even if i fall. Literally. I remembered the times my hands held on to another to learn how to walk, being piggy bagged out of hall.. and all the craziest moment.


Ruo Ning. Valerie. Eveline. Jing Ying. Farihah. Melissa. Xiao tian. Chi khay. Samantha. Ziyi.


The craziest bunch of people who i spend the days studying and the ones who helped me out. I love you~~~ ♥


Then came yesterday, prom. Also the day that marked our graduation, our 4 years in school has finally come to an end.


Painted pearl pink on my nails at joes house (: Then my bro went off to some foreign country, lucky he. D: 


Then, cause of busy slacking and all, was late for makeup but still it was okay, finished around 5? 
Then due to the pain on my feet, sat down frequently ): Ate ice cream though (: Joe's treat!!


Then met RN, who look lovely!!! Then went all around taking pictures, despite the pain that was killing my feet. Ah, what one would do to look pretty.


It's time to say goodbye to those memories. But you know that you all will definitely be in my heart.
stay pretty, and always remember that we can shine, no matter what, because we ARE beautiful. Love you all so much (:

Daphne

Hidden Sadness

You know those times when you really just want to be free? Where you just wish that somehow everything will work out well but only to get your hopes really high and to be dashed?


That's what i feel right now.


Yes, i'm not starving or am i dying from some critical illness. But i'm not feeling any tinge better. I feel crippled. suffocated. And really, tried of even getting out of this mess.


that's how i feel.


不管 我怎么不管,泪水总是偏偏滚落下来.
为何最亲的感觉来自外面,
空虚和虚假却团团转在心理
讽刺,刻薄,伤人的话我都听够了


我只没学过如何忘了怎样不管.

It's time to say goodbye

It's been five days. and i still can't help but cry whenever i think of you. People say we do not cherish what we have till they are gone, how true. I'm still grieving for you, where are you now? Are you up in Heaven? The guilt and sadness in me is overwhelming, i can't stop tearing every single time i have to do work, it just reminded me of how selfish I was and how i never did say goodbye. That feeling send me to sleep, thinking i can wake up for this nightmare. I got to stop it, because of exams, but i can't. I just can't. 

~

I finally said goodbye to one year. But i still wish that things hasn't turn out this way. 

Daphne

The real fight

Words no longer convey the feelings you kept inside, what then, will you fade away? 

When had things become so cold, where i don't know whether to give up or to keep on

believing that things will change. I'm crying, can't you tell? 

I'm upset not of your actions but how much you change so much. Like i can no longer 

see a flicker of the same person i saw. What then, is our fight?

For the real fight lies within, where the words we never say, and the struggle of a one sided hope.

I am lost, because we are walking two different paths

It seemed we are just perhaps, as good as we made ourselves to be.

And you're no longer there

~

Updates updates! 

I finished most of my papers, some were hard, okay and easy. But i guess i done what i could,

so there's no turning back but to keep looking forward. I guess the only thing left to do is just 

do all i can for the remaining two papers and partayyyyyy like crazy. Of course, i will be working too!

I found a job already heee :) 

Speaking of which, I came up with an example to describe myself i guess. I think i'm like a balloon,

i trapped all the negativity, all the upset feelings and anxiety into this place, and it keep building up

and i would not let go of it to release the air, maybe i forgotten to. So when like anything major finish,

take chinese for example, i will just go kaplueeee. Or rather i will just collapse. Or like what i did just now..

I did relax though, went out with joes (: We really spend a bomb though! Went to eat pepper lunch, then

went to walk around, got gt's present! as well as watched movies and eat ice. heh, i laughed a lot and cried a lot

because of the movie as well as being with her. HAHAHHA

I saw some close people, but it's strange huh, how we are all so distant and far apart now, i guess that's what time

do to us eh? 

~

those name calling hurts. those words you say still spill over the scars. Stop it, because you have no idea how much

it hurts. You have no idea how much it is like to go through the same thing over and over again. Doesn't mean you 

can get away around, because you have obviously take a joke too far.

~ 

I wanna You to know this 
Because of You my life has a purpose
You helped me be who I am today

I see
myself in every word You say
there's so much
that i'm going through
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for You

so I'm never going down,
I'm never giving up,
so put your hands up
if you worship Him

So what if the road is tough
so what if I fall down
going to stand back up
because He did

woah oh oh oh oh
woah oh oh oh

put your hands up
reach the sky
for He's not too far away
close your eyes
and take a breath
for He's truly here with you.

so I'm never going down,
I'm never giving up,
so put your hands up
if you worship Him

~

That's all for now folks, i'm too emo now..

Hugs till then,

daffy