there were many thoughts on what to write.. cause my mood was fluctuating throughout..
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these days have seen me consoling plenty and plenty of people in relationships or were in relationships.. relationships arnt easy to maintain, there may not be a reason to start one sometimes but it became sometimes hard to see the point of carrying on... and as soon as things get tough, that's when it starts to become blurry where the future of together is. I am no expert in it, i can only guide and advise as much as possible and somehow people thank me for it, and i became con with name of love doctor, for perhaps it seems that i could empathize well and understand. Or from what my friends said, I had experienced a lot and been hurt enough to relate deeply.

I once wanted to shut off from the world. I wanted to never have been experienced, i wanted the option to be naive and not think so much. But as soon as i did, a friend of mine reminded me that i was needed, that if im not who i am, or who i was shaping to be, there will be more and more of people struggling, fighting with themselves in their lone battles because they think they are alone in these. And as soon as that happens, a junior of mine called me and i realize that perhaps I cannot run away from it. Some may call me naive or childish because to them, im a very happy girl, one who is easily pleased by things and one who is very gullible. But to me.. I guess I've been hurt way too much to keep being down, i owed it to the people who care and worry constantly for me to be happy. And in truth, I am probably one of the blessed few to be able to be able to be cared and to care.

And here comes the depressing news, most of my closest friends are departing temporarily cause of ns... and it just sucks. to the bottom of the core, sucks. And it makes things worse when after a level, you guys make the effort to stay in touch in each others' lives, and it starts to become a routine that when it stops, it felt so empty and disheartening, because i realize that they had been one of my support ever since jc... where the me who always cry and breakdown in school, i had grown so much from then, my thoughts and my actions, and i guess i had reached a point where they felt a sense of pride for their lil sister and for me, i had begin to let go of things. There will always be scars but it's a matter of whether we wear them as shame or a symbol of triumph.

and at the midst of it all, i guess, i can say i'm blessed and happy (: