Stay with me

So at such a tender night, I have to confess the vulnerability I'm feeling. Just a teensy bit fragile among the random musing I have in the day.

Here goes;

There will probably come a day and scoffed at the stuff I typed but for now, this becomes my outlet, my way of voicing out my thoughts if that makes sense. I think I have heard many people say that whenever they meet me or interacted me for awhile, I always give the impression that I'm very vulnerable, almost close to breaking or for some, a girl who has been through a lot. 

Well.

I wont deny I have been through some messed situations, but hey, i'm not alone in this. And it doesn't define me or what I am. I am not just the girl who cried her heart out because she broke up, i'm not the girl who should be pitied. I am not just the girl who is nonchalant/dont care, I am that and so much more. They said that sometimes, knowing someone is akin to peeling an onions, as more layers you get to discover, some of it may sting and make you cry, and to me, i  dont really know how many layers I have or whether I am the girl who is made from her circumstances. I can't promise to be the perfect one.

there may come a day i will forget, of the hopes i held and the dreams i dared to have. My life has seen me giving up on things i probably shouldnt have and beating myself up for it. We are all made of broken dreams, and if there is still one thing I crave, is freedom. 

And that seems weird coming from me I guess. A lot of people naturally assume that of an extrovert but no, quite the opposite. I prefer the solitude and the solace which lead to another misconception of me being too guy-ish for a girl. Perhaps I was brought up differently, or that i knew too much at too young an age, but I do believe the me now, is just about the same me as any point in term. 

Yet sometimes I think I let my fear gripped me to hiding, to not being vulnerable at all. Rather an empty shell than to show my soft side. Sometimes I forgot I'm only human and I still have the capacity to breathe and be hurt. 

slowly but surely, I am fading into the shadows. But till then, and if you do catch that glimpse of me, please tell me to stay.