self of sanity

I find it hard to fathom my thoughts, my emotions into words
it is not because I'm trying to be secretive
but I cannot seem to say a word to tell you
that I'm upset.

I'm not the one who will go up to the person and tell them
hey, I have a bad day today, would you please give me a hug
no, I'm most likely be the one who will be rushing my assignments
because I don't want a minute to pass where I can feel my sadness

So when you ask me am I okay or what happened
please don't take my silence as I'm alright,
don't take my smiles that everything is fine
because I'm tired, tired of trying.
tired of crying, tired of feeling.

When past collides with present
and I can't help but feel all the surge of emotions
that I have carefully hid
don't question why I'm bringing up things that are years ago

because scars don't disappear
and the more I try to be normal
the more I feel the cracks that I'm not
The more i crave for touch and concern
and the more I will deny myself for asking.

Dont mistake it for pride
It's just me.