pain

There are 7 billion people out there





























and I had the audacity to think I matter

Smile a little

I turn to writing again. It felt like I hit one of those moments where nothing start to make sense and I remember someone once told me how my writing were like poems and so I tried to make a limit this time round and try to come up with something in exactly 110 words.

So hold on tight, i will get through this battle. no more dependency.

-

It was the eyes

That attracted me

As he whimpered 

And begged me to take him

I did

It was the eyes

That greeted me each day

When I got home

With infectious enthusiasm 

It was the eyes 

With that apologetic expression

When he did something wrong

Begging for forgiveness 

It was the eyes 

That comforted me 

In the dead of the night 

As I rushed through my assignments 

With him by my side 

It was the eyes 

With endless whys 

Burning in him 

Searing into my guilt 

It was those naive eyes

That haunted me each time

When I remember how 

I left him 

Without looking back

-

if anyone can't tell, it's not about a couple but a relationship between a dog and his owner

alone does not equate loneliness

This isn't the first time I'm spending this occasion here, but this probably is one of those moment where I started feeling really sad somehow. I mean I made the choice to stay and it probably will feel the same even if I have went there, but I guess the point is I didnt. 

And that led me thinking.

Would I be okay, truly okay to spend my life this way? I mean we always joke of growing old with our 99 cats and being one of those hipster that doesnt care about people taking care of them, but when it comes down to it, is it really what we wanted? 

For me, it became a yes and a no. Sounds so contradictory. But it really make me feel comfortable being at home, catching up on movies, doing stuff I would want to do and all. But at the same time, I wasn't truly alone either. I have someone beside me, I have someone to share my meals with and that I cooked with, I have someone that complains and do random stuff with. So perhaps I guess what I can say is that while i crave company to share my life, it is not my priority. 

Perhaps one of the reasons why I'm sad is of the unfulfilled promise, that I had held dearly. That I had remember. But I guess we are still under the same sky, hopefully the meal went well. Gosh Im such a nostalgic person. Or perhaps it was the memories and the words that I held by, thinking that if I were to stay, maybe things would be different. Either way, i'm slowly letting them go. 

Because I can't be selfish and i refuse to let my emotions get the better of me. Here goes the rest of my hols and mugging before the exams start rushing in again.

i'll update whenever I can, cheerios~

the honesty's too much, and i have to close my eyes and hide. 

brushing off that dust on my shoulder
a solid pat
a job well done
i must say

hurt

"did it hurt?"
-
I took awhile to reply and I felt that ache as I breathe

"Yes"

Listening

It was the walk down
the ponder of the heart
it was the rush
the flush
the little creek
of an inch of a smile.

It was the beat
that I was used to
the slow steady chant
as if a silent recognition
or acknowledgement

blurred thought
begin to sharpen

It was the walk down
a quiet peaceful one
it was the mind
that struggled
and grasp

it was knowing everything
and forgetting
it was learning
and accepting
it was fighting to run
and learning to walk

footsteps
are a little
closer to
my sanity.