alone does not equate loneliness

This isn't the first time I'm spending this occasion here, but this probably is one of those moment where I started feeling really sad somehow. I mean I made the choice to stay and it probably will feel the same even if I have went there, but I guess the point is I didnt. 

And that led me thinking.

Would I be okay, truly okay to spend my life this way? I mean we always joke of growing old with our 99 cats and being one of those hipster that doesnt care about people taking care of them, but when it comes down to it, is it really what we wanted? 

For me, it became a yes and a no. Sounds so contradictory. But it really make me feel comfortable being at home, catching up on movies, doing stuff I would want to do and all. But at the same time, I wasn't truly alone either. I have someone beside me, I have someone to share my meals with and that I cooked with, I have someone that complains and do random stuff with. So perhaps I guess what I can say is that while i crave company to share my life, it is not my priority. 

Perhaps one of the reasons why I'm sad is of the unfulfilled promise, that I had held dearly. That I had remember. But I guess we are still under the same sky, hopefully the meal went well. Gosh Im such a nostalgic person. Or perhaps it was the memories and the words that I held by, thinking that if I were to stay, maybe things would be different. Either way, i'm slowly letting them go. 

Because I can't be selfish and i refuse to let my emotions get the better of me. Here goes the rest of my hols and mugging before the exams start rushing in again.

i'll update whenever I can, cheerios~

the honesty's too much, and i have to close my eyes and hide.