Happy realization

"on a scale of 1 - 10, how pretty do you think I am?"
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To be honest, I did it because I want to know how affected I would be when I hear about how much my looks are rated towards the people I'm close. To be fair though, I don't think I have ever asked my closest friends, maybe because I was comfortable with myself in front of them, but for those I ask, they are freshly made relationships. So to be honest, I wonder how confident I am in my own skin.

(obviously speaking, they will pass me because they are bias) 

But I'm pretty surprised by my own reaction itself. I'm sorry fellow peer that I used you for my own personal experiment. So here's goes.

I'm not the pretty lady that catch your eyes straight from the start.
I know that.
Sometimes I don't even bother to dress more than just tshirt and shorts.
funny how it used to talk a lot of self convincing to get myself to wear shorts
because I was sure that my legs would look like fats being squeezed out

I don't have the confidence to walk out of my house without putting
concealer if I'm wearing contacts because of my dark eye circles or
my atrocious eye bags.

I'm a girl who has been put down over and over again for her looks
to the point where I believe in insults more than I do at compliments.

So I was surprised that even though I may not rake very high in the scale,
my reaction was at the best, acceptance.
I may not be weighing as light as my petite friends
or have those defined cheekbones.
But I'm surprisingly okay.

I may not be fully comfortable with my own skin,
or not winced when someone poke me at my tummy.
but I'm in a better place now.