butterfly wings

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i dont know when i had become so cowardly and afraid
it's as if i found something to live for and it felt as though i will be robbed away of it.
I got so scared and i felt like i stripped down my wall for that one moment
and the helplessness feeling just rush through.

I hate it.

I hate being bedridden and not being to do my work/study
especially when so much is being rode on my shoulders this semester
i hate the fucking feeling of being such a burden and worrying others.
i hate knowing that im reduced to a self that can only rely on people

I hate it.

i hate how overwhelmed my feelings are.
how much i have to reason out with myself
i hated how i always cry so easily
without even meaning to
i hated how i feel like a fucking mess.

it felt like a disaster has ripped through me.