I know what you did last summer

-Needle and the thread-

my patience has been running so thin these days, it's a wonder I haven't really snapped at anybody. More and more ca's are pilling and I am not sure whether I can even pull through this semester without dropping my cap :( Well i'm glad the rest of my commitment is slowing down so it makes me feel like I can concentrate on my studies more. health level is still pretty non-existence. I feel that I'm pretty much always swinging between being pale and dizzy to pink in health. The semester is gonna get harder and it makes me feel like I'll probably be gone by then. 

-gonna get you out of my head-

yet it seems like I'm beginning to lose touch of my compassion. The thing I pride myself most with, my understanding and my ability to think the better of people is starting to become foggy. I begin to feel numb towards distancing myself away from people and starting to feel that it's better to be alone sometimes. And it's starting to scare me a little how cynical I'm getting and how I have begun to see the worst in people instead of their best. 

-needle and the thread, gonna wind up dead- 

maybe I'm just being demanding. But sometimes I feel that no matter what I do or who I am with, I'm always getting the short end of the stick. Always the one giving in and being dragged around. Not many people there actually listens,  pulling myself together more times than I can remember to be there for people. Sometimes I feel that maybe I'm just someone's second choice, someone they go to because their first alternative failed, or like a passing thought. And as much as I feel that there are people out there who care for me, I felt like i'm pretty much taken for granted for. maybe it's just my selfish thoughts speaking out or maybe I've just been pushing everyone away so that I won't get hurt anymore. 

--- you watch me bleed until I can't breathe-- 

I can't help but feel that the reason I'm like this right now is because of the past experiences in life that is bringing out more and more resurfacing scars and hurt. I can't help but feel that I'm being the person I always never wanted to be and I can't help but feel that it is all because of last summer.