hey pumpkin
i wonder why i suddenly feel so desolated. I know i shouldn't feel this way but it feel like these days it's getting harder and harder to find a reason to go on. I have actually contemplated suicide and leaving things/people behind in an orderly fashion. And that thought make me really pained inside because as much as it is getting harder to find meaning for things, for people, for life, it is also getting hard to tear apart all those things i have build together, people's confidence that I have worked on. I wonder then pumpkin, did I make any impact in any. Have i became someone who wants to be remembered even just for a little while, because i fear oblivion. But pumpkin, there's another state that makes me more afraid than another, it's being unfathomable.