Torn

I'm all out of faith

this is how i feel

im cold and i am shamed

lying naked on the floor

--

I keep promising myself i will update this blog every once in awhile, but it is always so hard to find words to my thoughts or emotions. They always seem to be fleeting, once so prominently bright and a little later, hazy and out of reach. Well, I'm crossing fingers now awaiting for my results which even sent me to honours or to my graduation. I can't help but panic a lot but there is honestly nothing i can do about it hence I'm pretty much just pacing back and forth too. 

On to internship, well at first i was happy enough to be offered one interview and one semi-confirmed internship but after that, it all went into smithereens because the company decided to cancel my internship sigh without much explanation, so stuck in a limbo here now, desperately trying to find one while my friends are more or less working or doing internships. Kindda suck when you don't really wanna compare yourself to others but you just can't help yourself from doing so. I mean the whole talk about doing things at your own pace and all, but i can't help but wonder why I am lagging behind so much. Ugh. Not a good feeling to have, being moped up at home.

Each year I see more clearly who are the friends who stood by me and who are the friends that leave. Perhaps I am just a bleeding heart. I used to be so melodramatic from losing friends or people close to me but nowadays i just feel really accepting of my solitude. And that kindda scare me because I have changed, and i'm not so sure i like that change.