graduation

I wanted to type this sooner, but work, work has been shitty. S H I T T Y
it's feel surreal that I have graduated but how do I put a finger to it, it feels like I only really graduated this semester with the rest.
Even though i was working and all, but I guess cause i was still staying in hall, it felt like i was still having fun albeit less drinking and less impromptu 3am supper.
It was weird waking up these days, or even coming back to an empty room. Ugh it's like. there isn't anyone to come home to or talk to or much less sleep next to. I mean
my family is still there and all, but they're not really the best people to confide in and all.
And since work has been really bad, it is really taking everything out of me every day just to wake up and go to dreaded work.

I guess it's true what they say about mixing passion with work, it feels like slowly, my passion is just being ebbed away. But hey, still an experience right.  Even though I have been working for a few months, the idea that I am now a working adult, hasn't truly struck me at all. I mean my wallet feel the pinch, since uni food is so cheap but no, not feeling the adulthood. But it feels like every thing is slowly catching up to me, bills, the idea of more responsibilities, the idea that I may have a house of my own and would settle down... ugh.
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Moving out on Saturday was surprisingly not very emotional. At least the feelings didnt come in waves and all, but I know russ was feeling really jittery ahahha.
I think it might also be because knowing russ mum was fetching, I couldn't really let myself embrace those feelings.
University. These 3 and a half semester has completely wrecked me. Three and a half semester of trying my best to do something that I was interested in instead of
just sticking to being in arts.

First semester of loneliness, of utter loneliness. Being by myself most of the time and just really having to push out of my comfort zone to try to talk to people. But somehow, it is quite evident that I was never going to be on the same footing as the rest of them, maybe cause of my non-existent bio background or maybe because I transferred too late and by then, everybody already have their own friends and groups. Wasnt easy when i had to face a breakup during it all, and it just crushed me, and my cap plummeted shortly after.

second semester was painful. Knowing that I was going to be graded on a bell curve that does not favor me, doing modules that I don't really like and just about being with someone that was hurting at the same time. It was painful because you never know which decisions were right, and which decisions were wrong. There were moments of brief happiness, but there were more moments of insecurity and confusion. I guess there were many moments where I was being let down that I realize I have to walk away if not, I'm just hurting myself.

third semester or should i call it honeymoon semester. This was the period of high, where I was meeting up all the orientation groups, where I started confiding in people. Also where I became the ultimate leech. AHAHA, I do enjoy my hall stays and all though. A part of me think that my relationship will not be as close as now if I hadnt been staying in hall.

Fourth semester or also, fall out semester. I fell out with a close friend, and it really hurt but I felt like i had to put my foot down in the situation. I mean we are still talking and all, even after russ keep convincing me otherwise, but a part of me will always be soft I guess.
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I got lazy to write AHAHAHHA ill update this another day whee