I don't get why I still have hopes
and I don't know why I still get disappointed.
and this time, the disappointment seem to get bigger and bigger
-
I know you're trying
but I still can't seem to be okay
and it's always a wrestle to make sure that I dont end up
blaming myself for everything
-
Even though you ask whether i was truly okay with it
I can't help but lie
and said it's fine.

i take few step forwards and many leap backward
it always feel like this dance
i can't seem to keep up with the tempo
I'm not sure whether having you close to me is a mistake

but the most fucked up thing was that
you have mattered so much to me
that this incident
just drove me to my knees
on how much you meant to me
and i just can't begin to tell you
just how much i have tried. again and again.

to push it out of my mind.
i blame myself for the incident
there is this insecurity that now i can't shake away

are you still my love for the lifetime?

it's been a week since the incident happen

my mind still race with questions whenever I let it to

a part of me does not want to pursue it, afraid of what i will find if i ask too much

a part of me is just sick and tired of everything.

you were supposed to be my best friend

do they do this to each other?

i thought i had surprised you.
turns out you didnt bother much about whether i was there.