started my first martial arts class, feeling the ache in my bones.
But it felt good to finally get out of my comfort zone, and try something out. 

that sense where i did it, without any one pushing me forth but solely out of my own will

was something i thought had died. 

and it felt so good to feel that spark again. 

-

I still miss you. And it takes me such a long time to admit to myself this. That I couldn't even bear to cry over you or to feel hurt because it is like a gaping hole that you are no longer there anymore. I miss you. Sometimes I still catch myself scrolling through our past conversations or just looking at the cheer messages, seeing you, seeing you doing well and there is always that pang, knowing I am no longer there by your side anymore. 

But I don't exactly want to go back there anymore. I miss us. the old us. but I don't miss the me when I'm with you. 

I lost you

but in losing you

I found myself again.