It is weird that pandemic is still around and that we are all seemingly stuck in this loop of restrictions one after another, disruptions affecting services, businesses, relations. It definitely feels slightly easier to deal with as compared to 2020, everyone is more equipped to deal with the nuances, donning a mask has become a norm, scanning those QR codes before entering malls, supermarkets, gyms, attractions..
I wasn't sure what to write about or to talk to people about because my life been pretty much rinse repeat, being at home, going to work, coming back and heading out to work again the next day. I mean I definitely would say I have it easier than a lot of people, shifting jobs during this pandemic but I think mentally, the fatigue is definitely kicking in. I wonder how I managed to have so much energy last time, now even doing stretch classes are tiring. I don't think in terms of talking to people, I have been getting any better since I have never been really good at keeping in contact with people, but I think with the numerous restrictions, it has became easier to excuse those behaviors.
It definitely feels weird that I can't remember the last time I did things I like because I am always either sick or simply tired and that sucks terribly because I can't summon the energy these days to even do things I enjoy doing, be it trying out a new recipe, drawing, or just doing simple stretch exercises. Maybe I am just lamenting on how difficult independent life is especially during this whole entire period because everything just falls down on you to do things. Bills to pay, chores to do, half the time I don't think I am even capable of managing the two other kiddos I brought into my life. But they have been a great deal of joy and stress reliever.
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I been wanting to write about that moment but somehow words just doesn't seem to articulate well on that particular moment. It was possibly by far the most intimate moment I ever had with someone and that make me really protective of just how precious it was that I do not even know how to begin wording it. So instead I decided to write about one of the moment that brought about just as much
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Tapping my fingers frustratingly, it is definitely past the meeting time. Who even thought any sane boss would ask for a meeting at such late hours. I need to make bookings soon as well, those damn classes always run out of slots within minutes. Not that I mind since they have been the only source of comfort amidst this hustle. Speaking of which, what ever make me decided that going to work from one end to another was such a brilliant idea. The amount of work I am doing no longer make sense to me and I begin to question exactly what was my role and purpose in this role I have signed up for. At this point it felt impulsive, but it was what I wanted, to go back to the field of passion.
Boss has entered the meeting room
"Sorry for this late meeting, but I actually have a few more calls to do, but I just wanted to check on you on how work has been and how it has been"
"it's been good really, I enjoyed the work and I am learning a lot but I felt like there is a bit of lack of direction in the work I am doing so I wanted to clarify on that as well.."
The words prattled on but by the time it ended, I barely made it in time to book my classes, but it just no longer mattered to me. I just stared, his words echoing, trying to make sense what just happened to me. His lamentations on the business. his apologies that do no make sense. All those worries I had before seemingly seem so insignificant, I trembled, unsure what to do, the path that seem right just disappeared and no longer make sense.
I hesitatingly went next door where I found my partner snoring in the sofa, probably exhausted from the long day. I shake him gently, he was mumbling a little. I was tearful at this point and the only words I could muster.
I got fired
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Seem a little melodramatic but this was probably how I felt at the point. I remember I felt so ashamed, like there is a stigma that I have always associated with that I never about, I was fearful that people would find out, that they would judge me for it. My pride then, was another part of me that I had to take time to slowly digest as well. I went confidently into this job and to have it all fall apart within months, felt like I did something wrong, that I had bit off more than I chew, but it was definitely a journey and looking back, it wasn't something I regret immensely going into, and seeing how it wasn't a good fit as well, I'm glad I have moved past that chapter and went on to another job now, so it all went well in the end. Also, a little recommendation Bo Burnham Inside is such a good film to watch during this pandemic because it probably feels a lot of us right now.
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