Maybe just maybe,
I decided to stop hurting myself.
To not live in denial anymore.
Your sorry cuts like a knife,
my heart could no longer take.
Instead of bleeding,
the red lines serve well to remind me.
I really hate how I'm feeling this way.
Saw this and well, why not?
Definition of lie:
1. a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive an intentional untruth a falsehood
2. to express what is false convey a false impression.
My definition?
Any lie, be it a white one or a black or who knows what colour, is still a lie. And the thing about lies? They get back to you one day, no matter how hard you try to cover up it, or whatever reason or motive you have behind it, a lie will be found out. When you lie to someone, please just remember this. A friend had believed in you, genuinely believed in your lies. The one who has trusted you to say the truth. You know what really irritates me, when people lie, about the most grave matters. That's as good as breaking a promise.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Maybe I'm still used to ranting on my blog.
And this blog have been dead so yep.
One reason why I'm not posting on OD, or the other blog or tumblr,
is just because there are people there that reads.
~
Talk to Joes, and I really broke down.
The emotional roller coaster has really drained me beyond what I had expected.
These few days haven't been my best, I had lost to my own natural defense
of always curling to one corner and sleep it off.
I think I'm gonna beat my record of sleeping for so long since 2 years ago.
I really don't want to fall back to who I was 2 years ago,
and i'm on the brink of doing so.
The depression will sink in every once and then,
I can hear their laughter, still mocking me.
I can still remember the promises she ask me to keep,
that if anything, call her. And tell her that I'm not alright.
I'm not okay yet I'm not picking up that phone call,
I'm suffering yet I'm doing nothing about it.
I want to cry, but every single time i cry,
I always feel upset even more when I keep crying over the same reasons.
To add on, when i told you my results, I really
wanted to hear was your congratulations, your freaking acceptance
that the decision i made is a good one. Yet what did you reply me,
So are you glad about it? What the shit do you want me to reply that,
your underlying tone of sarcasm as though I could not hear.
It hurts, when you invited me to some random who the hell know what event
expect me to bloody turn up for it, or it means I put other priorities over me.
What the crap do you want me to do. show up and be feeling like I made
the worst decision in my life because you always, never fail to leave me out?
Or not, and feel really bad for treating those people who have brought me out.
Double edged sword you are.
So tell me when is enough,
how much of laughter directed at me do you wish for me to endure
and how many fake front do you want me to put, as though I'm happy.
Screw it.
I'm tired of all the hurt that has been accumulating, I want you to care.
But it's as good as giving you the trigger, knowing you will shoot me down.
I want to give up but i can't. So i always linger, knowing fully well, you have
that every right to hurt and leave me at any time.
the night is long, it really ache and hurt.
this time round, I can't even begin to think
about what is wrong or right.
I can't bear to talk to anyone,
the feeling of being a burden is really weighing me down again.
Instead of who i am 2 years ago,
I'm falling deeper into this spiral.
this dark abyss
that i swore i will never step foot in.
The beating of heart race faster. Faster and faster.
Threatening to consume me.
And this blog have been dead so yep.
One reason why I'm not posting on OD, or the other blog or tumblr,
is just because there are people there that reads.
~
Talk to Joes, and I really broke down.
The emotional roller coaster has really drained me beyond what I had expected.
These few days haven't been my best, I had lost to my own natural defense
of always curling to one corner and sleep it off.
I think I'm gonna beat my record of sleeping for so long since 2 years ago.
I really don't want to fall back to who I was 2 years ago,
and i'm on the brink of doing so.
The depression will sink in every once and then,
I can hear their laughter, still mocking me.
I can still remember the promises she ask me to keep,
that if anything, call her. And tell her that I'm not alright.
I'm not okay yet I'm not picking up that phone call,
I'm suffering yet I'm doing nothing about it.
I want to cry, but every single time i cry,
I always feel upset even more when I keep crying over the same reasons.
To add on, when i told you my results, I really
wanted to hear was your congratulations, your freaking acceptance
that the decision i made is a good one. Yet what did you reply me,
So are you glad about it? What the shit do you want me to reply that,
your underlying tone of sarcasm as though I could not hear.
It hurts, when you invited me to some random who the hell know what event
expect me to bloody turn up for it, or it means I put other priorities over me.
What the crap do you want me to do. show up and be feeling like I made
the worst decision in my life because you always, never fail to leave me out?
Or not, and feel really bad for treating those people who have brought me out.
Double edged sword you are.
So tell me when is enough,
how much of laughter directed at me do you wish for me to endure
and how many fake front do you want me to put, as though I'm happy.
Screw it.
I'm tired of all the hurt that has been accumulating, I want you to care.
But it's as good as giving you the trigger, knowing you will shoot me down.
I want to give up but i can't. So i always linger, knowing fully well, you have
that every right to hurt and leave me at any time.
the night is long, it really ache and hurt.
this time round, I can't even begin to think
about what is wrong or right.
I can't bear to talk to anyone,
the feeling of being a burden is really weighing me down again.
Instead of who i am 2 years ago,
I'm falling deeper into this spiral.
this dark abyss
that i swore i will never step foot in.
The beating of heart race faster. Faster and faster.
Threatening to consume me.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Changing times
I'm going to use chinese here HOHOHO.
visit my the other blog, it's not the same content though, this is more of expression of whatever that come in my mind~ :D
visit my the other blog, it's not the same content though, this is more of expression of whatever that come in my mind~ :D
Friday, February 10, 2012
og2
Og2 really make me feel like one of a member, a inseparable bond that drew us close together. Even though now we have split, i believe somehow we will still see each around and bond even more. It's like how even during lectures, we will do our best to sit together no matter what, we will be the one setting the trend, we will be the one that go the extra mile.
Today was no different. After so many cancellation and planning, we finally got ourselves a lunch plus dinner. Og2 never fail to amaze me. The fact that they waited for me all the way till my trials is over which is hours. They are the ones that make me laugh so hard that I believe i could get abs just by talking to them, they are the one who treated me to meals, the ones who listened to my woes.
I will miss og2 like hell.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Hello December
I kind of like doing a review of how my year been. So here's my last year resolution.
"In 2011, I would not be the emotional person. I would take on harsher responsibilities, and i would not depend so much on what others think of me and instead be the person i am and will be. I hope that this year i would grow more with my friends, my lifegroup, my family. I would curb my temper, and throw lesser mood swings. And finally I hope 2011 i would stop letting the memories hurt and learn to trust people again."
Well, emotional, i still am. That is something that I'm grateful that i have not changed, i don't know, maybe it's through that i learned how to be able to empathize more easily. Harsher responsibilities.. Hmmm well, I did take on harsher responsibilities with work and probably in choir in syf, and also at home. Depending on what people think of me, hmmm that affected me first half of the year, but as times goes by, i stop caring, because somehow it makes no sense anymore. And i have awesome friends to cheer me up (:
Here comes the difficult part, Growing more with my friends i sure did. I met friends at work, who are way older than me hee. But also in school, where i am happy and wanted, though i know my illness has not been co operative with me, but i hope that i have grown to be more mature? (when i am not childish that is)
Lifegroup, hmmm. I have grown further away, though it's not my wish, but i guess i can't do anything to change it, family is just a matter that won't change.
Memories stop hurting after awhile, and yes i do learn to trust people like laoshi, ruo ning and of course, joes and joyce.
Syf Is over and so is O's. This year has been tough, but i'm glad the road that i forge with my friends has been memorable. It seems as though school has ended, but those times has not. I miss them, all dearly.
Waves will wash away the footprints we left in the sand, but memories that we make, will never be washed away through the waves of times. Look back and smile at all the countless times we spend together, the happy and the sad. For those times have pass, and we have moved. Forever you will be in my heart, so when we finally part in January, may you remember that you will always be in my heart. Forever and always.
Daffy
"In 2011, I would not be the emotional person. I would take on harsher responsibilities, and i would not depend so much on what others think of me and instead be the person i am and will be. I hope that this year i would grow more with my friends, my lifegroup, my family. I would curb my temper, and throw lesser mood swings. And finally I hope 2011 i would stop letting the memories hurt and learn to trust people again."
Well, emotional, i still am. That is something that I'm grateful that i have not changed, i don't know, maybe it's through that i learned how to be able to empathize more easily. Harsher responsibilities.. Hmmm well, I did take on harsher responsibilities with work and probably in choir in syf, and also at home. Depending on what people think of me, hmmm that affected me first half of the year, but as times goes by, i stop caring, because somehow it makes no sense anymore. And i have awesome friends to cheer me up (:
Here comes the difficult part, Growing more with my friends i sure did. I met friends at work, who are way older than me hee. But also in school, where i am happy and wanted, though i know my illness has not been co operative with me, but i hope that i have grown to be more mature? (when i am not childish that is)
Lifegroup, hmmm. I have grown further away, though it's not my wish, but i guess i can't do anything to change it, family is just a matter that won't change.
Memories stop hurting after awhile, and yes i do learn to trust people like laoshi, ruo ning and of course, joes and joyce.
Syf Is over and so is O's. This year has been tough, but i'm glad the road that i forge with my friends has been memorable. It seems as though school has ended, but those times has not. I miss them, all dearly.
Waves will wash away the footprints we left in the sand, but memories that we make, will never be washed away through the waves of times. Look back and smile at all the countless times we spend together, the happy and the sad. For those times have pass, and we have moved. Forever you will be in my heart, so when we finally part in January, may you remember that you will always be in my heart. Forever and always.
Daffy
Friday, November 18, 2011
Masquerade
Whoever told you that being beautiful is painless was obviously kidding or they had never wore heels.
Whichever case, I died wearing those stiletto heels. It really kills, and i have blisters to prove it = = But the aftermath of yesterday was mainly the strong desire to amputate my legs and probably just that feeling that it's over.
Yep, we have finally graduated.
4 years ago, we were kids growing up in a strange environment, refusing to ever believe that our lives in this school could change as much as our last school. But it did. It really did.
Remember those times when you get lost trying to find your way around. Those shirts that are tugged way too in. The panic feeling when you forgotten to bring tie on a certain day.
Then probably come the rebellious period where we started breaking rules, without ever caught. And all the crazy antics we do in school, and all those jokes that no one but us know about. The computer which was bloody distracting for our studies, and of course, the special occasion where we start giving gifts for no goodness reasons. Valentine. Teachers' day. Birthday. Graduation. Farewell. Angel & Mortal systems. How many letters that we have written to each other?
For me,
I will never forget these four years of my life i spend.
The first year of unsettled feelings, the dark period where i lost myself in games. Where i was feeling as though no one would ever bother, the feeling of being outcast, all slowly changed due to some gifts angels send to me, these friends I called my LF. They took me out of it, i never spend one day where i felt as though that i would ever drift back to it.
Rekha. Perlyn. Haseena. Carmen. Natalie. Joanna.
Thank you. for the first two years in school. I will never forget how we are so crazy, and so sick minded. They are the days which we spend in the basketball court, in the parade square, in the art room. Exchanging laughter and playing a week before exam. Those were the days where we start laughing for no goodness reasons, and how we made our teachers give us the weird looks.
Of course, there is choir. Choir who has given me how things can change so swiftly, and I met gems in the sand. We had Ms ong for the first year, and I was in sop2 for awhile, of all the time i bullied my seniors and just enjoyed being bonded, and how that changed when i moved to alto one. I remember sulking about it for awhile, but after that, it was fine. I still found friends there which really make me feel right at home. We had our share of dislike and bitching, drama always ensures, and sometimes it feels so exhausting to continue even more. Being a QM and the responsibility it carried was exhausting. Syf. Musical evening, all the flowers you received, the tickets you have to sell, the one hour lunch break, the time we spend at the CCA room. All of them bring back the nostalgic feelings, of course i met seniors who been a great source of encouragement.
Then the 3rd and 4th year of my life, was one of the strangest moment. Depression sunk in when everything starts falling apart, we had OBS, we had one of the craziest year during our 3rd year. trying our best to cope with studies and cca. I met great friends there too, and in our 4th year, we bonded very well. Of course not to mention we had our major exams here, and we have the best teachers to guide us along the way, there was never a dull moment. all the chionging of homework, the funfair where we had, the syf we had for the second round, and of course, the recess and lunch we had that always ensured laughter, This year was also the year my health deteriorated a lot, probably the stress and the bottled feeling. I was absent for quite some time, but no matter how many times I acted up, i always know i have strong hands that will pull me even if i fall. Literally. I remembered the times my hands held on to another to learn how to walk, being piggy bagged out of hall.. and all the craziest moment.
Ruo Ning. Valerie. Eveline. Jing Ying. Farihah. Melissa. Xiao tian. Chi khay. Samantha. Ziyi.
The craziest bunch of people who i spend the days studying and the ones who helped me out. I love you~~~ ♥
Then came yesterday, prom. Also the day that marked our graduation, our 4 years in school has finally come to an end.
Painted pearl pink on my nails at joes house (: Then my bro went off to some foreign country, lucky he. D:
Then, cause of busy slacking and all, was late for makeup but still it was okay, finished around 5?
Then due to the pain on my feet, sat down frequently ): Ate ice cream though (: Joe's treat!!
Then met RN, who look lovely!!! Then went all around taking pictures, despite the pain that was killing my feet. Ah, what one would do to look pretty.
It's time to say goodbye to those memories. But you know that you all will definitely be in my heart.
stay pretty, and always remember that we can shine, no matter what, because we ARE beautiful. Love you all so much (:
Daphne
Whichever case, I died wearing those stiletto heels. It really kills, and i have blisters to prove it = = But the aftermath of yesterday was mainly the strong desire to amputate my legs and probably just that feeling that it's over.
Yep, we have finally graduated.
4 years ago, we were kids growing up in a strange environment, refusing to ever believe that our lives in this school could change as much as our last school. But it did. It really did.
Remember those times when you get lost trying to find your way around. Those shirts that are tugged way too in. The panic feeling when you forgotten to bring tie on a certain day.
Then probably come the rebellious period where we started breaking rules, without ever caught. And all the crazy antics we do in school, and all those jokes that no one but us know about. The computer which was bloody distracting for our studies, and of course, the special occasion where we start giving gifts for no goodness reasons. Valentine. Teachers' day. Birthday. Graduation. Farewell. Angel & Mortal systems. How many letters that we have written to each other?
For me,
I will never forget these four years of my life i spend.
The first year of unsettled feelings, the dark period where i lost myself in games. Where i was feeling as though no one would ever bother, the feeling of being outcast, all slowly changed due to some gifts angels send to me, these friends I called my LF. They took me out of it, i never spend one day where i felt as though that i would ever drift back to it.
Rekha. Perlyn. Haseena. Carmen. Natalie. Joanna.
Thank you. for the first two years in school. I will never forget how we are so crazy, and so sick minded. They are the days which we spend in the basketball court, in the parade square, in the art room. Exchanging laughter and playing a week before exam. Those were the days where we start laughing for no goodness reasons, and how we made our teachers give us the weird looks.
Of course, there is choir. Choir who has given me how things can change so swiftly, and I met gems in the sand. We had Ms ong for the first year, and I was in sop2 for awhile, of all the time i bullied my seniors and just enjoyed being bonded, and how that changed when i moved to alto one. I remember sulking about it for awhile, but after that, it was fine. I still found friends there which really make me feel right at home. We had our share of dislike and bitching, drama always ensures, and sometimes it feels so exhausting to continue even more. Being a QM and the responsibility it carried was exhausting. Syf. Musical evening, all the flowers you received, the tickets you have to sell, the one hour lunch break, the time we spend at the CCA room. All of them bring back the nostalgic feelings, of course i met seniors who been a great source of encouragement.
Then the 3rd and 4th year of my life, was one of the strangest moment. Depression sunk in when everything starts falling apart, we had OBS, we had one of the craziest year during our 3rd year. trying our best to cope with studies and cca. I met great friends there too, and in our 4th year, we bonded very well. Of course not to mention we had our major exams here, and we have the best teachers to guide us along the way, there was never a dull moment. all the chionging of homework, the funfair where we had, the syf we had for the second round, and of course, the recess and lunch we had that always ensured laughter, This year was also the year my health deteriorated a lot, probably the stress and the bottled feeling. I was absent for quite some time, but no matter how many times I acted up, i always know i have strong hands that will pull me even if i fall. Literally. I remembered the times my hands held on to another to learn how to walk, being piggy bagged out of hall.. and all the craziest moment.
Ruo Ning. Valerie. Eveline. Jing Ying. Farihah. Melissa. Xiao tian. Chi khay. Samantha. Ziyi.
The craziest bunch of people who i spend the days studying and the ones who helped me out. I love you~~~ ♥
Then came yesterday, prom. Also the day that marked our graduation, our 4 years in school has finally come to an end.
Painted pearl pink on my nails at joes house (: Then my bro went off to some foreign country, lucky he. D:
Then, cause of busy slacking and all, was late for makeup but still it was okay, finished around 5?
Then due to the pain on my feet, sat down frequently ): Ate ice cream though (: Joe's treat!!
Then met RN, who look lovely!!! Then went all around taking pictures, despite the pain that was killing my feet. Ah, what one would do to look pretty.
It's time to say goodbye to those memories. But you know that you all will definitely be in my heart.
stay pretty, and always remember that we can shine, no matter what, because we ARE beautiful. Love you all so much (:
Daphne
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Hidden Sadness
You know those times when you really just want to be free? Where you just wish that somehow everything will work out well but only to get your hopes really high and to be dashed?
That's what i feel right now.
Yes, i'm not starving or am i dying from some critical illness. But i'm not feeling any tinge better. I feel crippled. suffocated. And really, tried of even getting out of this mess.
that's how i feel.
不管 我怎么不管,泪水总是偏偏滚落下来.
为何最亲的感觉来自外面,
空虚和虚假却团团转在心理
讽刺,刻薄,伤人的话我都听够了
我只没学过如何忘了怎样不管.
That's what i feel right now.
Yes, i'm not starving or am i dying from some critical illness. But i'm not feeling any tinge better. I feel crippled. suffocated. And really, tried of even getting out of this mess.
that's how i feel.
不管 我怎么不管,泪水总是偏偏滚落下来.
为何最亲的感觉来自外面,
空虚和虚假却团团转在心理
讽刺,刻薄,伤人的话我都听够了
我只没学过如何忘了怎样不管.
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