Special

It seemed weird to post things now,
but today is a really special day.

And well ( cause my printer is still printing my amath papers
which i will be chionging no doubt till wee hours)

Well.. spare the cliche beginning
of how everyday seemed to be perfectly normal..

but it was actually... just minus
the getting up late and having to wreck the still sleeping

brain of what to change a boring title
to what may get us an A for essay.

It didn't help of course, that i had so nicely forgotten
to get something to eat and forgotten to bring my

water bottle. -cries-

lit was well, the same. except my alarm rang off
in the middle of the class... so yep..

that was kindda ohmygoodness.
Physics.. was bad... i ended up feeling like puking..

nausea at all. gosh
i feel like i'm describing myself being pregnant
(i'm not.)

i think i survived school today,
pretty much. I finally passed emath. HAH.

Okay... but i was irritated
that i could have gotten myself much higher, if it

wasn't for careless mistakes here and there,
and well, being thrown straight into

a timed trial right after i came back to school.

But i guess the most significant of today was

I actually opened up.

Which was something i had never expected myself to do.

It seemed almost well, not me.

a 2 hour and a half long talk..proved to be utterly draining on me.

then again, it was probably also caused i had an attack before that.

I was truly grateful for it, really.
it meant a ton to me, to finally be able to mouthed out those

thoughts and feelings into words.

Isn't it ironic?
You care so much about everyone around you,
but not yourself.

How do you expect others to love you
when you don't even love yourself?

Random muse

It's funny.

Where is the me in us? It's seem more like you all over.
Where is the you in we? Its seem a slight hint that it is just me.

So why do we make an ass out of you and me when we assume?
Is it possible that awesome will end with me

just like how ugly starts with you?

I'm making no sense.

That's when i realize i tend to analyse

way too much, which make life seem to predictable.

Or at least from what i see of the world.

but not myself.

Reminiscence

silver.

two years have passed so quickly.

through it all, i learned so much, to forgive and to let go.

Yet the disappointment sting linger deeper than before.

Was it perhaps cause it was our final year?

Or that i was finally fully aware of the consequences

and the impact of it all?

but i guess amidst all these,

i really wanna thank God, for well the award.

It make me realize that we were on the standard range

within the seniors, and had not dropped that much

compared to last time. When the seniors left, i really thought choir would fall

apart, especially in our hands.

I'm glad it didn't.

Also, if we were to get gold, it might just make the choir complacent over their results.

not that they didn't put in effort, but to be honest, i can say so myself,

i had not put in as much effort into it, we're hypocritical in that.

Always saying how others are lousy, before we stood back to reflect

that we are all just the same

But i wish you have not raised our expectations.

Even though the repeated times of saying we would get certificates,

i really had wished we would be able to prove ourselves

to attain a sense of fulfillment.

But what's done is done, i can't say more than this.

Choir will be something that leave behind a pile of memories.

i had many laughters with dear friends,

i make close ones,let go of some.

I have trusted, i have been hurt

i have cried, i had fun.

I lost my voice

i learned about the brutality of truth, and sometimes

misunderstandings can just not be cleared.

dramas do ensued, work tend to be pushed to others.

But nonetheless,

i gladly say i did not regretted being in choir

despite the numerous attempt to quit com or quit choir

or just being depressed about myself

the voice the spirit the soul.

Crez choir.

All for tomorrow

i wonder how it will turn out, tomorrow i mean.

It seems expectations are rather little,

which is a good thing or bad i guess.

I really don't want to see us fail.. at all.

I would be lying if i were to say i'm still expecting us to clinch a silver.

It's just perhaps something we all wish to have, to maintain or at least move up.

~

the moment you did that, i realize right then,

feeble attempts to patch this crack,

would be impossible.

It's like a hole at the bottom,

leaking drastically.

Of no means to even cover up.

Just flowing before my very eyes.

~

Going to miss lifegroup so much.

Done caring

I will walk and never turn back

Done caring.

When the world has turned its back on you

Strength lies solely within. I believe that if you are given another day to live,

might as well, make the best out of it. It's how we all get through things that really matter

not the results. Maybe someday you will see that, maybe you won't. But right now,

i will be praying.

I was reflecting today over something that i thought make sense a lot.

When the world turn its back against you,

smile and tell them you won't stop me.

When you feel like shutting yourself out

in that lonely world of yours,

think again.

Someone, definitely would be

wishing you didn't.

Even if you felt like the whole world

doesn't care,

let me tell you.

The world doesn't have to bear the reason for your existence

but what makes us all so unique and living is the sole reason

why we're born.

That is.

To love, to feel love, to be loved and to show the world love.

我在云上等着，

希望你总有一天

会知道在雨天

所下的，不是雨

而是我的一滴一滴

寂寞的泪水

i can't stop the tears from falling

When i close my eyes,

I see.

A fragmented piece of

what used to be.

Why does it have to happen

can't you tell

that my heart sadden

of what happen to pals?

It been ages since we last talk

was it all my fault?

We ran out of topic to say

like sun that lost its rays

It is abrupt. It is cruel.

A dagger plunged straight

into where it hurts the most

Heaving a deepest sigh

staring at the empty chat box

I type a long message

words would pour out,

none would make sense

deleting all of it.

I would close the familiar corner.

We all reach a point one day

where things start to differ, thoughts no longer alike.

Arguments would bound to arise

conversation would come to a stark blank contrast

wishes that there are more we could say

nothing would seem to make it all come true.

We just walked back to square one,

two different path,

winding.

but never meeting.

twisting and turning,

yet always

fleeting.

they call it drifting, i call it a part of me that i can never get back.

when we next see each other, will it be Hi stranger？

Tell me how to stop it.