Only love can hurt like this

Updates: coughing so hard.. ugh. and rashes still not going away.. plus the lack of sleep of chionging projects and skipping meals is making me a really icky mood. :( Been really in love with the song only love can hurt like this.

"Said I wouldn't care if you walked away,
But everytime you're there, I'm begging you to stay
And when you come close, I just tremble.

And everytime, everytime you go
It's like a knife that cuts right to my soul."
-

Sometimes I feel really breathless for the stuff that keeps hurling down me. Yes, i'm a perfectionist. Maybe that's why all the stress and pressure is starting to get to me, is it only been two weeks since I started school? I can't recall spending much time with anyone else, hope weekends would be good.
-

shoutout to my bestie who had been my comfort all this while, studying in school.

A tap,

Like always.

Tap tap.

There it goes again. 

The sound growing more insistent

as though it knows i'm there

tap tap tap

--go away, shoo. 

leave me alone

did I spoke it out

loud?

the words. 

tap tap tap tap

why wont you stop.

it's not as if you will stay

if i open the window

tap tap

the sound growing softer

good. 

tap.

i'm not here

--silence--

maybe it's better this way. 

Sorry for the craziness

"Blue is a colour,
so is pink
and red
and orange.
Then why is orange a fruit
and the rest not
Are they less worthy of a colour
The tone and intensity not as sharp?
For an orange can't be rhymed
but red can
blue too
and let's not forget green
Actually wait,
greens are vegetables.
So if two "powerful" colours add together
what do you get?
A carrot" 

"Im seriously questioning your sanity" " it sounds like a poetry of a madman" 

"That makes bunnies the most powerful creature on earth
one day rabbits are gonna rule the world"

"I don't know what to reply." "Wth, i swear i will kill you one day for your madness"

"Oh do you know rabbits babies are called kids,
so we should fear children
so inevitably
we are fearing our own reproduction system"

 "Oh lord save me from this mad girl." "You fear your own reproductive system...?!"

"So we are most afraid of ourselves" 

-

This is what happened, when you put me through two science lectures and make me rush to teach tuition without food. I solemnly need to get my head check. XD  and not go around telling people my name is daphne.

Another day ensues.

 

A fresh page

crumbling form; a scribble, a thought, a distorted truth, a converging point 

scorched and scorned 

are we merely a figment, fighting to leave our footprints

our scars, that we desperately try to impress upon this world

this earth

on others' life 

to make a remark, a point, to make our existence

that much worthwhile;

are we fools

dancing on our graves

are we just a pity 

seeking those costumes to dawn upon our weeping form

oh dearest; 

dont cry

dont cry at my funeral my darlings

for im not there. 

Ns

Seems like many of my friends are in ns itself... :(
-
Dont get me wrong, i have no qualms over the issue, but i merely miss the presence of constant company. Im not those who text or meet them often, but i know that within a ring or a drop of message, that they would be the one that care, that would bother to spend that moment asking me what's wrong. I'm gonna miss that.

Im gonna miss our craziness, be it the numerous laughter i have with you guys, im gonna miss our outings, our food hunts, our inside jokes, our camwhoring, our icecream dates, im gonna miss those weird selfies, our sick innuendos, the amount of photos we mass send each other, the amount of drama i can confide in you guys, and know ill never be judged. Im gonna miss our "judging" you face, im gonna miss all the inside information and gossip ill get from you guys, and im gonna miss being treated like a bro at one moment and another moment, like a little sister that never has to grow up. Im gonna miss how the amount of bullshit i mindfucked you guys with, that in the end, i know you'll still be there giving the tsktsk face, yet always be there, to give me the comforting shoulder whenever im just bawling my eyes out for all the hurt I've been through.
-
on a side note, it doesnt mean those times have ended or is in the past. I still look forward to my fridays and weekends where i get to maybe have that little catch up session with you or now it has turned to a condensed bitching session. I love how even we are going through different phase in life, you guys never fail to include me into yours or always drop me a message no matter how busy army is, just to ask about my day or my week, to be that overprotective brothers that a girl can always feel so annoyed at but know that you will always be there with a shotgun if im ever hurt.

love you bros, peace out and protect my ass here. With your wifle. or have you gotten sick of them XD

Fragments of simplicity

"actually the thing about life is that it is actually very simple, it is humans who wants to make it complicated."

"how so." 

"well. maybe humans just want to make it complicated because they want to feel that they are more than a beast, more than their very natural instincts"

~

All the worrying and insecurities that I try to forgo seems to surface one by one. Will I do well? Will I make a good future that Im desperately running to? How far will I go to be free? How much of a sacrifice is enough? Will I truly be enough. Is there such things as happily ever after? -- thoughts that occupy me each night and leave me tossing and waking up in the dead of the night. Im merely a dreamer, lost in my own thoughts, hoping one day it will all make sense. 

~
Lighter note, i'm grateful for all the meetup and for the people that care for me. I may not show it or maybe i have slowly drifted to my cosy corner, I'm not one to meet people to be honest. I may look the craziest, but most of the time i wish to have quiet moments, ironically I'm usually the one who make the most noise :] thanks for asking me whether im okay, of forcefully intruding to my little bubble, and telling me that somehow, be it our bullshits, or my emotional highs and lows, that im somehow worth it. to all these friends who always meet up with me to check up on me, i thank you. to the crazy peeps who drop a iloveyou every now and then, or flirting outrageously at me to make me smile, thankyou. 

~

ill be okay. i promise i wont falter and i will fight for my own dreams.