I really love the song counting stars a lot hahahha cause my workplace has this party and i went to this club, (my first time to a club and i was so blur and gong) Hahahah yeah so the band played it and i really love the song. "lately I've been losing sleep, dreaming about the way we could be..." Best way to describe my feelings these days.
~
well exams has finally ended. It has been a crazy ride, i can't imagine how many times i break down trying to get through the stages, how many papers I did, or how much of an annoyance i am to the people around me. But I'm utterly grateful to the dulan clique for being there for me, the UN people, of course grace, joes, qian and the list will just prattled on. But ironically my motivation also came from you as well.. ced. I dont know what is our status now but I'm grateful to you too, for being there for me when I was panicky for my papers.. which was weird that you still am the only person that could cheer me up and really calm me down. We cannot handle each other, I dont exactly claim I need you in my life. But subconsciously or not, I see myself being there for you or caring for you and I owe those tears and stupid smiles to you.
~
The year is slowly getting to a closure. I guess i've grown a lot this year compared to any time in my life. Been a lot clearer and moments started becoming fleeting. I love hard, I learn to be the best of myself. Being strong in my life, for the people i care and love, and being there for them as well. I'm blessed to have many people caring for me, and always feel so sheltered with love by friends. I can never go through 2013 without ya guys, and for all the crazy moments, thanks for sharing it with me. Shout out to my bestie who is still attached, last long to yaaaaaa~~~ Crazy girl who dont meet up with me but each time we do, you have always been there to hear me bitch about life. Also to my best guy friend, thanks for the times spend listening to me rant, thanks for sharing and enlightening me about the present, not the past or the future but just the present. Thanks grace for always listening to me, and even though i tio spammed by you a lot a lot, but I always enjoyed the times we spent. Heheheh :x Of course i can never forget qiannnnn, we became one of the close friends I could talk to, and our relations is so funny that everyone always give me the disbelief when I said how we met. Thank you so much for always having me over. Love cat so mucchhhh as well for always always always meeting up with me, even for just pure randomness and travelling singapore with me. We're crazy twins i swear.
~
Then there's you, ced. I'm honestly not the strongest person when it comes to dealing with emotions. But you're the first guy I can proclaim I would drop everything just to make sure you're okay. And i guess you're also the first guy I can truly claim I gave my all in loving you. Though it's so confusing and complicated now, but it has never once make me regret knowing or loving you. Loving you was a choice or a mistake i was glad to make. There was moments of anger, of fear, of tension, but there was also moments of bliss, of gratefulness and for everything you do, you make it better in my life. Thanks to you, I learn to work hard for my exams, i stop giving a shit about what people think of me whether they're judging me, thanks for teaching me to be strong, to be more in control of my emotions.
"But baby, I've been, I've been praying hard, Said, no more counting dollars. We'll be counting stars"
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Life's memories
It's amazing just how time flies so fast.. and when we look back, I'm just so grateful for the people in my life..
-
I woke up lateeeeee, spoil the whole mood sia!!! I was supposedly to reach school at 7, yet i woke up at 6.20, that was already a major uh-oh. Think i forgot to set alarm yesterday cause I was so tired D: Then, tried to put on my contacts, and in the end that took forever too, and to add to using concealer, I swear my life just get better... couldn't find the shirt that I wanted to wear and was already late like crazy, like 7 and i'm still at home, can you imagine the panic Grab an outfit that i wanted to wear, changed my bag, cause the other was too bulky and just left the house. Waited for so long for the bus to come and while waiting, one of the contact came off T_T And i realize in my hurry to rush to change bag, my spectacles were left hanging in the other bag. So I was half-blind. Bam!
-
Went straight to mac to get a slice of cake for the awesome birthday girl and board the bus to school at like 7.30 T_T I'm so late >~< But it was still fun seeing her, hehehe. Making her smile and giving her hugs, make me feel like at the very least, all of it was worthwhile~~ And apparently, cause of the wonders of concealer and contacts, some of the juniors couldn't recognize me :O I look different, so says grace who was like gushing at how pretty i look *flicks hair at own vanity*
-
Took a bus..On the way, it was so cold and i was shivering throughout. Damn.. and i was like hope i get there on time. Through it was raining cats and dogs, lightning and thunder. Lightning strike the area a few times, and i swear i keep getting freaked out.. fear was so intense for a few moments.. but i get there unscathed. Went to eat texas chicken and got to know a really pretty girl who apparently shares a lot of similarities with me. But I wonder.. just how similar two people can get. I used to think monkey was the one who was so linked to me, but guess not..
-
rushed to my old school after that. was so fun, hehehe. And we were exclaiming how much it has changed, sapphy and I. Hahaha~ met some old friends, some juniors and teachers~~
went to eat at tiong, eating subway. I was like i ate bread for breakfast, bread for dinner, may i please not eat bread for dinner. Was fun talking to her and saw some jj peeps, lixin too! Hahaha remind me of how she taught me poetry skills~ While sending grace back to her place, we're like randomly singing choral songs, missing choir so terribly much... D: Haishhhhhh~~ ^^ but it was fun nevertheless~~
-
then went to catch a movie. God it was so damn funny, when the robot was flying. I teared though :( like 3 times, damn im so emotional. haishhhhhhhhh then met grace again ^^ hehhehe. i'm travelling so much so tired.... then went to talk to her, spazz about snsd and sunny~~
-
was walking home when a junior pat me on the back and she went to laselle, which i was like ohermgawdddd so damn tough school to get in and she got in on pure music piano background :O
-
life;when we trail and walk along the road, stop and take awhile to look back. For one, always forget the footprints one leave behind
-
I woke up lateeeeee, spoil the whole mood sia!!! I was supposedly to reach school at 7, yet i woke up at 6.20, that was already a major uh-oh. Think i forgot to set alarm yesterday cause I was so tired D: Then, tried to put on my contacts, and in the end that took forever too, and to add to using concealer, I swear my life just get better... couldn't find the shirt that I wanted to wear and was already late like crazy, like 7 and i'm still at home, can you imagine the panic Grab an outfit that i wanted to wear, changed my bag, cause the other was too bulky and just left the house. Waited for so long for the bus to come and while waiting, one of the contact came off T_T And i realize in my hurry to rush to change bag, my spectacles were left hanging in the other bag. So I was half-blind. Bam!
-
Went straight to mac to get a slice of cake for the awesome birthday girl and board the bus to school at like 7.30 T_T I'm so late >~< But it was still fun seeing her, hehehe. Making her smile and giving her hugs, make me feel like at the very least, all of it was worthwhile~~ And apparently, cause of the wonders of concealer and contacts, some of the juniors couldn't recognize me :O I look different, so says grace who was like gushing at how pretty i look *flicks hair at own vanity*
-
Took a bus..On the way, it was so cold and i was shivering throughout. Damn.. and i was like hope i get there on time. Through it was raining cats and dogs, lightning and thunder. Lightning strike the area a few times, and i swear i keep getting freaked out.. fear was so intense for a few moments.. but i get there unscathed. Went to eat texas chicken and got to know a really pretty girl who apparently shares a lot of similarities with me. But I wonder.. just how similar two people can get. I used to think monkey was the one who was so linked to me, but guess not..
-
rushed to my old school after that. was so fun, hehehe. And we were exclaiming how much it has changed, sapphy and I. Hahaha~ met some old friends, some juniors and teachers~~
went to eat at tiong, eating subway. I was like i ate bread for breakfast, bread for dinner, may i please not eat bread for dinner. Was fun talking to her and saw some jj peeps, lixin too! Hahaha remind me of how she taught me poetry skills~ While sending grace back to her place, we're like randomly singing choral songs, missing choir so terribly much... D: Haishhhhhh~~ ^^ but it was fun nevertheless~~
-
then went to catch a movie. God it was so damn funny, when the robot was flying. I teared though :( like 3 times, damn im so emotional. haishhhhhhhhh then met grace again ^^ hehhehe. i'm travelling so much so tired.... then went to talk to her, spazz about snsd and sunny~~
-
was walking home when a junior pat me on the back and she went to laselle, which i was like ohermgawdddd so damn tough school to get in and she got in on pure music piano background :O
-
life;when we trail and walk along the road, stop and take awhile to look back. For one, always forget the footprints one leave behind
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Peek a boo at my world
So here goes my long awaited post.
Results for common test 2 has been back quite awhile ago, can't say I'm not disappointed at chem, but at the very least i improved for all my subjects~~ except for physics and general paper ): There's a lot more work to be done... and i still think i'm weak at chem, math (statistic), physics (definition, waves,superposition and all), econs (macro-globalization) Yup, got a lot work to be done. But at the very least, I'm proud to say that I really did better, perhaps.. it was just all the studying waiting for baby bah~
~
I realize i've been really depressed/down lately. Can't help it uh.. I just keep running into emotional stuff and I guess i just keep breaking down, crying myself to sleep. Hopefully.. *cross fingers* it will end today. Don't wanna go to sleep crying le D: Damn tiring and all... 2 hours of sleep can kill. But i guess i work out everything and i'm gonna go full steam ahead. I just cleared binomial just now. Gonna clear measurement and kinematic tomorrow and hopefully chem bonding? My progress is damn slow D: But at least I know that it is still progressive. And that is something i should work towards.. instead of procrastinating.. *twirl finger.. guilty~~*
~
I just read finish along for the ride - sarah dessan, walking disaster - jamie mcguire. Heheheh, i got the two books too, beautiful disaster and walking disaster. Damn damn happy. Andddd i found out a recipe that requires no oven~~~ mug cake!! heehehe, shall bake one for baby one of these days *smiles* Oh oh oh, and i learn how to stitch!!! And literally stitch a stitch, and baked chocolate stitch. I swear the amount of stitch is just crazayyyyyy~~ Neh mind, i dont mind doing it.. hehehe xD I really need to read more books, falling back in love with reading books again, and i need more colour pens. I swear the number of colour pens i have.. are just too little...
Results for common test 2 has been back quite awhile ago, can't say I'm not disappointed at chem, but at the very least i improved for all my subjects~~ except for physics and general paper ): There's a lot more work to be done... and i still think i'm weak at chem, math (statistic), physics (definition, waves,superposition and all), econs (macro-globalization) Yup, got a lot work to be done. But at the very least, I'm proud to say that I really did better, perhaps.. it was just all the studying waiting for baby bah~
~
I realize i've been really depressed/down lately. Can't help it uh.. I just keep running into emotional stuff and I guess i just keep breaking down, crying myself to sleep. Hopefully.. *cross fingers* it will end today. Don't wanna go to sleep crying le D: Damn tiring and all... 2 hours of sleep can kill. But i guess i work out everything and i'm gonna go full steam ahead. I just cleared binomial just now. Gonna clear measurement and kinematic tomorrow and hopefully chem bonding? My progress is damn slow D: But at least I know that it is still progressive. And that is something i should work towards.. instead of procrastinating.. *twirl finger.. guilty~~*
~
I just read finish along for the ride - sarah dessan, walking disaster - jamie mcguire. Heheheh, i got the two books too, beautiful disaster and walking disaster. Damn damn happy. Andddd i found out a recipe that requires no oven~~~ mug cake!! heehehe, shall bake one for baby one of these days *smiles* Oh oh oh, and i learn how to stitch!!! And literally stitch a stitch, and baked chocolate stitch. I swear the amount of stitch is just crazayyyyyy~~ Neh mind, i dont mind doing it.. hehehe xD I really need to read more books, falling back in love with reading books again, and i need more colour pens. I swear the number of colour pens i have.. are just too little...
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Walking Disaster
okay, i was at popular today reading the book i always adore : walking disaster.
It was like a male part to the version of beautiful disaster. Reading it always make me feel really nostalgic.. really heavy somehow.. maybe it's just the way the emotions were brought out.. Travis is a pure disaster of his own, he's a messed up person.. Abby and him always have so much to work out...
-spoiler-
thinking back, just how did Abby trust that Travis would stay faithful to her..? How did they even figure out the whole meeting finance meets? Granted that Abby is damn lucky when it comes to cards and Travis is damn good at fighting.. but was that how their children are gonna grow up.. in the world of violence..? And they just went to marry..
I just feel so in love with just how crazy they are for each other, all the messed up love, all the adrenaline rush through when they were figuring out whether they would break their platonic friendship just to go one step further.. and knowing that the other party may not return that feeling unnerves them.
-end of spoiler-
Isnt that how love is? the whole worrying about whether the other party would return, how scared you are that he/she will hurt you. how terrible frightened you will get if all you get is just your feelings played.. how messed up your head/ thinking get when your very actions is always pulled by him/her, how your feelings are no longer of your own to call, but his/her to possess.
You spend your days staring at your phone, wondering if he/she will call/text, wondering if they miss you as much as you misses them. Whether they will even care/love deeply as much as you do to them, wondering whether your actions is too clingy, too possessive, too selfish, too immature.. too not right for him/her. You wonder whether always making the first move makes you tired, you wonder whether your enough will ever be enough.. you wonder this, you think about that.
but then again, maybe im just a sucker for chick romance.. but i like these series unlike others is not because of how the girl like the guy, the guy like the girl, they go through a few breakup, problems and patch and live happily ever after, no.
they didnt.
They went through crazy times, of forcing out uncomfortable truth, they went through temptation of reality.
i guess that's what they always say, life makes love looks hard, the stakes are high, the water's rough. but this love is ours.
It was like a male part to the version of beautiful disaster. Reading it always make me feel really nostalgic.. really heavy somehow.. maybe it's just the way the emotions were brought out.. Travis is a pure disaster of his own, he's a messed up person.. Abby and him always have so much to work out...
-spoiler-
thinking back, just how did Abby trust that Travis would stay faithful to her..? How did they even figure out the whole meeting finance meets? Granted that Abby is damn lucky when it comes to cards and Travis is damn good at fighting.. but was that how their children are gonna grow up.. in the world of violence..? And they just went to marry..
I just feel so in love with just how crazy they are for each other, all the messed up love, all the adrenaline rush through when they were figuring out whether they would break their platonic friendship just to go one step further.. and knowing that the other party may not return that feeling unnerves them.
-end of spoiler-
Isnt that how love is? the whole worrying about whether the other party would return, how scared you are that he/she will hurt you. how terrible frightened you will get if all you get is just your feelings played.. how messed up your head/ thinking get when your very actions is always pulled by him/her, how your feelings are no longer of your own to call, but his/her to possess.
You spend your days staring at your phone, wondering if he/she will call/text, wondering if they miss you as much as you misses them. Whether they will even care/love deeply as much as you do to them, wondering whether your actions is too clingy, too possessive, too selfish, too immature.. too not right for him/her. You wonder whether always making the first move makes you tired, you wonder whether your enough will ever be enough.. you wonder this, you think about that.
but then again, maybe im just a sucker for chick romance.. but i like these series unlike others is not because of how the girl like the guy, the guy like the girl, they go through a few breakup, problems and patch and live happily ever after, no.
they didnt.
They went through crazy times, of forcing out uncomfortable truth, they went through temptation of reality.
i guess that's what they always say, life makes love looks hard, the stakes are high, the water's rough. but this love is ours.
Monday, June 24, 2013
a ponder
to summarize, i really love my june holidays a lot. Catch up with lots of friends heheh.. oh well i cheated though, met marilyn before school holiday started.
˜
meeting her brought bittersweet memories of being in lg.. the whole complex situation, i was afraid of letting her know that i was attached.. i was scared of being judged again.. after the whole period of doubting and people telling me how my feelings would get played.. i just couldn't stand either a close friend of mine telling me that it won't last.. did tell her in the end, and surprisingly she gave her blessings.. was really. really touched.. and i will only see her next year or something HAHAHA. due to our busy life..
˜ 02 june
met with joes after with her "boyfriend", i still feel weird whenever i see them together, but i would always always from the bottom of my heart, support them be it whatever they have been through.. maybe because i have always wanted this best friend of mine to receive the happiness she deserve, no matter what form it comes in.. she deserves it.. was talking to her about ced.. and was wondering still whether it was ever right to go into a relationship with him.. whether we would last.. left that day feeling no more puzzled than I already am...
˜03 june
went out with baby the next day.. was a short while..he accompanied me to the hospital appointment.. and at that time i really felt so blessed to have him next to me..despite my nervousness.. i guess i just never like going to see the doctor.. even worse when I'm alone.. as my thoughts would literally kill me.. but i guess he.. being there, really helped. :)
~04 june
went with jaz to watch epic! hehehe, first time going out with her, was really weird but nice.. the first person i talk to when i come to this foreign school.. and the one in og i still keep contact with.. sharing about things with her always make me feel happy... glad to know this cheerful kid. =) after that, was called down by joes to go study, oddly enough, she still remains the best studying partner i could ever have, while talking to her, started talking about the future.. and makes me really wish somehow i could last with ced...
˜05 june
went to school.. for physics.. quantum physics.. was refreshing to see the class. hehehe.. but tiring nevertheless.. the whole brain was fried by the end of lesson.. and still have to clear up for the class. haish.. always getting bullied by them i swear.. went to meet gab, ruth and corrine after that, was late though.. throughout that, all i was talking to was to gabby and asking him about how to care for my boyfriend even more.. always feel that I'm not giving enough.. hahahs... ruth and corrine eavesdropped.. nearly got caught.. i guess till then.. I'm still nervous about this relationship.. and it was really fun teaching corrinne math! hehehe. met with rekhy after that, haven't seen that girl for the longest time ever, after we separated class in secondary 2, i surprisingly got closer to her.. i guess with us having the same experience, was really crazy.. but somehow it was still nice to have met up with her.. and filling her in on drama.. love this girl..
˜07 june
lessons after lessons.. was really drained after chem and math.. saw her.. but it still ache nonetheless.. but i won't do anything anymore.. i always feel like laughing at myself for even have been so close.. than to have fell away so bitterly.. the signs were there.. she has always give off the same vibes as the other her.. who was I to deny my own gut feelings... went with patricia and soul sister to watch after earth˜˜ it was nice :D :D really enjoyed that movie.. action packed and all.. went to finish up chem after that in the library..
˜08 june
met up with jingsui early in the morning~ was late though.. :x was just talking about being in a relationship.. sometimes i still think its odd how i know so much about zk without even being close to him.. lol.. it was always nice meeting her.. and just filling her in on my life, makes me look forward to every monday so much.. Then met with anna and watch at any price. Was nice meeting her again after such a long time.. one year plus..?
˜11 june
was sistarrrrrr outing˜˜˜ finally met char after so long.. was just walking around, shopping hehehe. went to play arcade. beat the high score for basketball HEHEHHEE. and played car racing, i remembered baby was teaching me how to use drift.. but still can't catch the hang of it.. oh well~took neoprints.. been damn long since i ever took them and it still looks damn chio when i take it when them.. of course, throughout the whole day.. was missing baby.. haha i even took out foolscap to write out the solutions for him and teach him.. went to met joe after that, the few primary school friend i still keep in contact with, even though we are in the same school now, it still is hard to meet up, and i guess I'm glad she's doing well, in her walk with God and all.. was happy to see she got over her ex.. though it was still sad how it all ended..
~12june
met up with joyceeeeee˜˜ been long since i met up with her too!! and ohmygoshhhhhh all the stuff she got for me, and still spazzing over the green dress, and the shoes, and the bag˜˜˜ and of course the meal she treated me, always feel happy to go out with her too... i guess i can always get perspective about the world from an adult eh?
˜13 june
the day i was really looking forward throughout my whole june holiday. the meet up with UN. or rather NSH now.. but the gossip hehehe, they're still the same as ever, will never imagine how i cope with my relapses and everything without this 9 friends/sisters of mine.. and even though we promised to dress nicely, we still sit like we were back in sec school.. oh where were the days..
*yawn* i wish to continue.. but work calls for me... what i need to finish now is math revision package, redo my binomial, normal tutorials.. finish up on econs.. start on econs essay.. start on physics.. do my chem satt and do 2012, 2011 chem ct2 papers.. yep.. a lot of work to do...
Sunday, May 26, 2013
It looks a lot like love
was reading through my secondary school posts and thinking about what have been happening for the past few days...
I.. have realized.. that the layers of myself that I've been discovering, one by one, I'm peeling them off.. remind me of the poem we had to analyze, of how they depicted love as an onion. HAHAHA. Okay.. anyway..
I was thinking of how emo I used to be, depressed.. rejecting every single care and concern, pushing people away.. or the time I was so damn bitchy about people.. vulgar.. violent.. all that slowly fade away.. like a layer I had peel off.. But it had left me scars, leaving me afraid to trust people.. and that leaves me to ponder much.. soulmate ask me today, "it leads me to wonder just how many people do you truly trust.."
Do I even have the answer to that..
Come a new school, a new environment.. I was happy for awhile, when all that slowly fades away as I let insecurities, paranoia seeps into it. I was in a relationship, i was foolish to have plunged head on, knowing fully the consequences, up till now, I haven't regretted it but it has also made me question what is truly love, and whether did I truly love the guy.. Yes he has been there for me, taken care of me, that I'm grateful for. But to say that was love.. maybe it hadn't been. The events that occurs after that, led me bitter and perhaps to a certain extent, anger and hatred towards it.
~ ~ ~
I found someone unexpectedly in my cca. One that loves music just as crazily as I do, one that do just about the most craziest that I do, one who's just as emotional as me. I'll write about him in another post or so. But for now, let's just say, it looks a lot like love.
I.. have realized.. that the layers of myself that I've been discovering, one by one, I'm peeling them off.. remind me of the poem we had to analyze, of how they depicted love as an onion. HAHAHA. Okay.. anyway..
I was thinking of how emo I used to be, depressed.. rejecting every single care and concern, pushing people away.. or the time I was so damn bitchy about people.. vulgar.. violent.. all that slowly fade away.. like a layer I had peel off.. But it had left me scars, leaving me afraid to trust people.. and that leaves me to ponder much.. soulmate ask me today, "it leads me to wonder just how many people do you truly trust.."
Do I even have the answer to that..
Come a new school, a new environment.. I was happy for awhile, when all that slowly fades away as I let insecurities, paranoia seeps into it. I was in a relationship, i was foolish to have plunged head on, knowing fully the consequences, up till now, I haven't regretted it but it has also made me question what is truly love, and whether did I truly love the guy.. Yes he has been there for me, taken care of me, that I'm grateful for. But to say that was love.. maybe it hadn't been. The events that occurs after that, led me bitter and perhaps to a certain extent, anger and hatred towards it.
~ ~ ~
I found someone unexpectedly in my cca. One that loves music just as crazily as I do, one that do just about the most craziest that I do, one who's just as emotional as me. I'll write about him in another post or so. But for now, let's just say, it looks a lot like love.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Screw Logic
I haven't posted awhile but today, or rather recently, I have been really really exhausted. Physically, emotionally and mentally.
People question after awhile, why is your life so drama, why are you so emotional.
Hence the post today; why up till today, I choose emotions over logic
~
Emotions.
Many would not agree or at least won't comprehend why I am so emotional. Emotions makes me who I am, they're a part of me, to ask me to not care, to not empathize, is perhaps to take the me out of me.
Why even up till today, i care so much about the people who hurt me, who might not care about me, is basically because I am not them. Logic will tell anyone, once they have been hurt enough, it's time to let go, to move on, to walk away. I won't, not because there isn't a choice, but because I believe in the good of people. I'm not an optimist, but i do believe in chances.
My soulmate would say " you believe in giving infinite chances"
Indeed, that is my very character. Emotions give me what others won't experience, the joy, the happiness I get, not just from being with people, just looking at things, and crafting words, thoughts out, it's not emo per se, but rather it's because i feel, that's why i feel blessed to be in this life. Because i feel, that's why I am able to see so much more, not just the physical of things, but to look beyond.
Ask a logical person, they will tell you the pros and cons. They will tell you that it is only worth fighting for if the benefits outweigh the costs, I'm not calling them heartless creature, they are rational, they will look towards the facts, the statistics. I will say, emotional people will tell you this, you only live once, forgo the rules for once, not because we are stupid, not because we love breaking law, others call us reckless, impulsive, but you know something, we are the one that will go beyond the extra mile, we will be the one fighting and breaking free, because that's us. You cannot chain an emotional person with logic, they will writhe and struggle, they will be the one walking in the rain, they will be the one dancing in the sunshine, they will be the one at the end of it all, to drop everything of theirs, to find you if they find out you need them.
Not because they have nothing on, not because there is nothing important even if they tell you so, but because even if every single clue, every warning sign and logic tells them it's not worth it, they will look you in the eyes and say, "fuck logic"
I live with emotions because I may regret what i do, but i will never regret what I feel. Because i care, i love, i empathize, I feel so much more. Even if every single one ridicule me for being a fool for going through all this hurt and pain, i will tell them, i will look at each one of my scars, my memories and still I am thankful for them. Because they are what make me who i am today, standing tall, maybe not proud of my own life because of my actions, but thankful and utterly blessed to meet all the people in my life. They taught me so much more, they gave me so much more. Their words, their actions, form a part of me that even if life rewinds, even if chances were given to change anything of the past, I won't. Because of my emotions, I have been a better person than who i can be.
Emotions may be my weakness, but it is definitely my strength. I believe this quote came from the Bible, but it means more than just religion or christianity, it has kept me going ever since.
"for it is when i am weak, that i am strong"
A friend ask, you mean when you are at your lowest, you turn around and that's what makes you stronger? I replied no. What i meant was your weakness is your strength. That's the whole main point. Us being scared of this and that, what do we do with them? we run, we fight, we avoid, there's so many things we could do.
For me, i used to be very fearful of rejections, confrontations, any form of emotion that can come directing at me, i hated it. I hated how my emotions may be too much, because of that I had pushed a lot of my friends away, and maybe a lot of them had also walked away too.
I did get better from there, my fears slowly becoming something that I accept. It's not that I don't fear such stuff anymore, I still do. I don't know whether I fear them any lesser than before, but one thing I did, I had learnt to not be afraid of my fears. That's what I meant your weakness, that part of you that you are fearful of, that you won't let anyone see, that so called monster, that ugly side of you. That raw emotions that you build up, I'm sure everyone has them, some wear it on the sleeves, some hid it, some chained them which later becomes another one of their personality, a so called split personality. They are our fear, our weakness.
I can probably hear the snickers and sarcasm, so how would our fear, our weakness ever be our strength? My emotions makes me who I am today, they make me stronger, they make me weaker. It's a two sided coin, there are different perspective of how we can look at things. And to see and condemn our weakness and say that, that's all there is to them. Isn't that belittling yourself, just a little bit too much?
I believe in searching for yourself. I believe in hoping, in finding strength in your weakness, in accepting that you are weak and strong at the very same time. I am weak, yes, for my emotions overwhelm me, makes me drained and tired real easily, but at the very same time, I am strong, because I have my emotions, i can feel pain, sorrow, anguish, joy, happiness, bliss and the most important thing, gratefulness. Because I am emotional, i can empathize, i can see that i am not alone in this world that is suffering, that is living. I am breathing today.
A logical person will tell you this, overcome your weakness.
I'm gonna say this: Embrace your weakness.
Logic only take one so far, it is emotions that spur us further and take us on our path, they carve and make our walk so much more. And maybe I would like to say, I'm glad I never gave up on being the emotional me, because if I had, I probably won't meet the person that meant so much to me now, and I am glad that the very emotional me has meet the very emotional you, the one I call my soulmate.
~
And i think i will say it once more, screw logic.
People question after awhile, why is your life so drama, why are you so emotional.
Hence the post today; why up till today, I choose emotions over logic
~
Emotions.
Many would not agree or at least won't comprehend why I am so emotional. Emotions makes me who I am, they're a part of me, to ask me to not care, to not empathize, is perhaps to take the me out of me.
Why even up till today, i care so much about the people who hurt me, who might not care about me, is basically because I am not them. Logic will tell anyone, once they have been hurt enough, it's time to let go, to move on, to walk away. I won't, not because there isn't a choice, but because I believe in the good of people. I'm not an optimist, but i do believe in chances.
My soulmate would say " you believe in giving infinite chances"
Indeed, that is my very character. Emotions give me what others won't experience, the joy, the happiness I get, not just from being with people, just looking at things, and crafting words, thoughts out, it's not emo per se, but rather it's because i feel, that's why i feel blessed to be in this life. Because i feel, that's why I am able to see so much more, not just the physical of things, but to look beyond.
Ask a logical person, they will tell you the pros and cons. They will tell you that it is only worth fighting for if the benefits outweigh the costs, I'm not calling them heartless creature, they are rational, they will look towards the facts, the statistics. I will say, emotional people will tell you this, you only live once, forgo the rules for once, not because we are stupid, not because we love breaking law, others call us reckless, impulsive, but you know something, we are the one that will go beyond the extra mile, we will be the one fighting and breaking free, because that's us. You cannot chain an emotional person with logic, they will writhe and struggle, they will be the one walking in the rain, they will be the one dancing in the sunshine, they will be the one at the end of it all, to drop everything of theirs, to find you if they find out you need them.
Not because they have nothing on, not because there is nothing important even if they tell you so, but because even if every single clue, every warning sign and logic tells them it's not worth it, they will look you in the eyes and say, "fuck logic"
I live with emotions because I may regret what i do, but i will never regret what I feel. Because i care, i love, i empathize, I feel so much more. Even if every single one ridicule me for being a fool for going through all this hurt and pain, i will tell them, i will look at each one of my scars, my memories and still I am thankful for them. Because they are what make me who i am today, standing tall, maybe not proud of my own life because of my actions, but thankful and utterly blessed to meet all the people in my life. They taught me so much more, they gave me so much more. Their words, their actions, form a part of me that even if life rewinds, even if chances were given to change anything of the past, I won't. Because of my emotions, I have been a better person than who i can be.
Emotions may be my weakness, but it is definitely my strength. I believe this quote came from the Bible, but it means more than just religion or christianity, it has kept me going ever since.
"for it is when i am weak, that i am strong"
A friend ask, you mean when you are at your lowest, you turn around and that's what makes you stronger? I replied no. What i meant was your weakness is your strength. That's the whole main point. Us being scared of this and that, what do we do with them? we run, we fight, we avoid, there's so many things we could do.
For me, i used to be very fearful of rejections, confrontations, any form of emotion that can come directing at me, i hated it. I hated how my emotions may be too much, because of that I had pushed a lot of my friends away, and maybe a lot of them had also walked away too.
I did get better from there, my fears slowly becoming something that I accept. It's not that I don't fear such stuff anymore, I still do. I don't know whether I fear them any lesser than before, but one thing I did, I had learnt to not be afraid of my fears. That's what I meant your weakness, that part of you that you are fearful of, that you won't let anyone see, that so called monster, that ugly side of you. That raw emotions that you build up, I'm sure everyone has them, some wear it on the sleeves, some hid it, some chained them which later becomes another one of their personality, a so called split personality. They are our fear, our weakness.
I can probably hear the snickers and sarcasm, so how would our fear, our weakness ever be our strength? My emotions makes me who I am today, they make me stronger, they make me weaker. It's a two sided coin, there are different perspective of how we can look at things. And to see and condemn our weakness and say that, that's all there is to them. Isn't that belittling yourself, just a little bit too much?
I believe in searching for yourself. I believe in hoping, in finding strength in your weakness, in accepting that you are weak and strong at the very same time. I am weak, yes, for my emotions overwhelm me, makes me drained and tired real easily, but at the very same time, I am strong, because I have my emotions, i can feel pain, sorrow, anguish, joy, happiness, bliss and the most important thing, gratefulness. Because I am emotional, i can empathize, i can see that i am not alone in this world that is suffering, that is living. I am breathing today.
A logical person will tell you this, overcome your weakness.
I'm gonna say this: Embrace your weakness.
Logic only take one so far, it is emotions that spur us further and take us on our path, they carve and make our walk so much more. And maybe I would like to say, I'm glad I never gave up on being the emotional me, because if I had, I probably won't meet the person that meant so much to me now, and I am glad that the very emotional me has meet the very emotional you, the one I call my soulmate.
~
And i think i will say it once more, screw logic.
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