Tired

Sometimes I tell myself I dont have a breaking point
so there wont be a limit I would have to be afraid of
because all I have to do is keep pushing forward
trudging along this tired path

sometimes I ask myself whatever for Im trying so hard
whether there is a point to what Im doing
so i could console myself better
where the night lie as tears seeped through the cover

Sometimes i stare at the newly healed scars
and think to myself why did I even do that
so I could stop making bad decisions
to hurt the people around me

so tonight,
whatever for is there to stop
those red lines for dripping
down my wrist.

if you are looking for a plea
this is mine.

Bored

1) 130 questions, promise you won’t lie?

I try my best to. 

2) Is the last person you texted single?

Xinqian, Hahaha very much so. But she's somewhat attached to me Xd

3) Do you get jealous easily?

Yep. I dont show it though.

 

4) Are you wasting your time on the person you like?

No? he's worth it. 

5) What are you currently waiting for?

For assignments to stop piling up on me >< 

6) Do you think more about the past, present, or future?

To be honest, i rotate from the past to the future a lot but I have a bad habit of not thinking of the present. 

7) Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?

Hahaha, friends there are plenty. But i guess i would want to spend time with my boyfriend too. 

8) Honestly, do you really love the last person you said I love you to?
i think the last person i said I love you to was jingying, hahaha but we're not really close. I care for her? 

9) Is anything wrong with your eyes?

A bit of infection that isnt going away >(

10) Who were the last people you saw besides your family?

Hmmm my boyfriend! And his classmates, daphne and jinhui

11) Do you have nice eyes?

uh people tell me so, so i guess so! 

12) Have you ever received a love letter more than a page long?

Hahaha Yep I did. 

13) If something was wrong who would be the first girl you’d go to?

Joey I guess, but that will only be when she probe me. I tend to shy away from telling people about my problem. 

 

14) Who’s thinking about you right now?

well my boyfriend better be thinking about me. ahahaha i will whack him if he isnt.
just kidding. i dont think anyone will be thinking about me? 

15) Is this year the best year of your life?

Hmm... I wont say the best, but one of the most eventful and craziest.

16) Which of your friends lives closest to you?

Joey~ 

 

17) How do you feel about Dr Pepper?

IM SORRY but it sounds really funny, like a doctor specialized in pepper HEHEHE

18) Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn’t?

Yeah.. thought some of them committed suicide and kept calling them to check that they're okay. 

19) Does your bedroom need cleaning?

Yep, a pile of papers all over the place

 

20) July 4th or St. Patrick’s Day?

July the 4th~ 

21) Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?

Slow, but all of my relationships have been rather fast. 

22) Are you comfortable with your height?

I GREW TALLER. (muahaha) But i wish i can be a little bit taller, maybe 3 more cm please? 

23) Do you act differently around the person you like?

Definitely, I'm more me than i am with anyone else. 

24) Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I believe in the saying, unless they say something, im just gonna assume we are friends and nothing more :) 

25) Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yes. Nanda, she refuse to see me frowning when she sees me. A source of happiness. Thanks for being with me for 10 years and counting x)

26) Do you like thunderstorms?

No. Im terrified of them.

27) How fast does your mood change?

Very badly. I can be go from crying to laughing.. sigh. I question my sanity. 

28) Are there things that can’t be joked about with you?

Yes. I will get rather upset over it. 

29) What do you always take with you?

I think my phone and wallet?

30) When is your birthday?

January 7th! 

31) Anything on your walls?

I dont have anythingggg

32) Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?

Yep I have been in one. But it went on longer than it should have, regretted hurting the other party. 

33) Do you crack your knuckles?

Yep. I used to cry cause i thought i broke my finger ._. shh dont judge

34) Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?

No. I really get utterly nervous and probably start stammering. 

35) Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?

Yep!! Wanna learn how to dive!

36) What are you listening to?

她说 jj lin

37) Does anyone know your password besides you?

nope. 

38) Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks?

In my foggy memory, I do not think so... 

39) I bet you miss somebody right now?

Yep. I miss my friends :(

40) Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?

Yep. Lots of them collecting dust

41) How many times have you dyed your hair?

Once! Planning to dye again at the end of the year

42) Can you count past 100?

Yep. I think i did that for some psychological treatment

43) If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?

Mm.. Hard to say. I might? 

44) Are you afraid of shots?

You mean injection or drinking shots? Im not afraid of either. Been given injection since young, and i can hold liquor well. 

45) Is there someone you can tell anything to?

Joey I guess

46) At this moment in time if you HAD to have someone’s name tattooed on you besides family who’s would it be?

i guess I would tattoo the name sky? Because I like the idea of being free? 

47) Has anyone called you perfect before?
yep, my boyfriend is rather insistent on the idea that Im the perfect one for him. 

48) Does your best friend’s parents like you?

Yep!

49) Are any of your friends taller than you?

yeah, the tallest is like 1.9. Can i just cry. 

50) Would you cry if your most recent ex died?

Probably. He is a close friend afterall. 

51) Name the bands you have band tees for?

None boohoo.

 

52) Do you prefer the ocean or pool?

Ocean. There's wildlife in it!

53) Ever liked someone whose name started with a B?

I went to search names that start with B, aha. Nope

54) Ever really cried your heart out?

I dont think I ever cried non stop, cause I always find it embarrassing to cry, so even if i do cry, i will stop crying after awhile. 

55) Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?

Wow that was like what... 5 years ago..? Definitely not. 

56) Is there a difference between love and IN love?

Yes. I can love someone but it doesn't mean i'm in love with him/her. 

 

57) Have you ever been on a motorcycle?

Yes! damn shiok!

59) Do you speak any other language other than English?

chinese. 

60) What is the date of you and you’re first loves anniversary?

My first love? 0604. 

61) Are you someone’s best friend?

Yep! Joey and Farihah 

 

62) Where was the last place you were when you puked?

My friend's friend house. I drank too much..

63) Have you ever smuggled something into America?

I have not even been to america before *cries*

64) Who is your favorite super-hero?
Loki, even though he aint a super hero

65) Can you say the alphabet backwards?
I will stumble too much.. 

66) Pen or pencil?

Pencil.

67) Do you get bad headaches?

nope. Dizzy spells though

68) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes or not?

Yep. I can't stand smoking. 

69) What’s usually colder, your hands or your feet?

Feet.

70) Do you think two people can last forever?

Well, Im under the impression that forever doesnt exist, but i guess if two people love each other, why not? 

71) Do you consider yourself trustworthy?

not really.. 

72) Is there someone that cares about you more than themselves?

My boyfriend

73) Do you live in a ghetto neighborhood?

I don't think so. 

74) Has a song ever made you cry?

Yes.

75) Has a book ever made you cry?

yes.

76) Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal?

Tiny. some even went on to say it's microscopic. 

77) Will you be dating someone in a month?

No? Lol im attached

78) Your phone rings, what do you say?
uh.. hello?

79) Has anyone ever said they wanted to marry you?

yes but i didn't treat him seriously

80) Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?

cheerleader

81) Is your birthday on a holiday?

Sometimes it falls on a school holiday

82) Do you ever cry during romantic movies?

yep. But i hardly tear over those cliche movie anymore

83) Do you always answer your phone?

Yep

84) Are you ticklish?

Yeah. so annoying.. 

85) Is there someone you wish you were still close with?

Yep.
-

wasn't even 130 questions man. 

Cherish the woeful me

Ohaiyo~

Who ever said university was the best time of their life must have been joking -the amount of pure frantic rush to get a formula into your head, the wee hours of doing presentation, of chionging essays, of surprise pop quiz, man was I looking forward to recess week.

and it's ending, in 2 days time. sobs.

But I guess im slowly getting used to university life, but just barely. Sometimes I wonder why it takes people perhaps week or months to get used but it takes me an entire year to get used to the life here. And it's not as though things will remain constant, perhaps im one of those fools who demands for constant.
-

i wonder what's it like to date a depressed person. The amount of effort and understanding sometimes confounds me, why would anyone put in so much trouble to tear down someone's wall who will probably put it up again the next day or when occasion rises. but i guess that's love or care that I just can't seem to understand hur?

A friend once told me this, "but he has something that no one has, he has your heart."

but is it worth the pains to date a girl filled with scars all over?
-
back to studying,
till then.

Only love can hurt like this

Updates: coughing so hard.. ugh. and rashes still not going away.. plus the lack of sleep of chionging projects and skipping meals is making me a really icky mood. :( Been really in love with the song only love can hurt like this.

"Said I wouldn't care if you walked away,
But everytime you're there, I'm begging you to stay
And when you come close, I just tremble.

And everytime, everytime you go
It's like a knife that cuts right to my soul."
-

Sometimes I feel really breathless for the stuff that keeps hurling down me. Yes, i'm a perfectionist. Maybe that's why all the stress and pressure is starting to get to me, is it only been two weeks since I started school? I can't recall spending much time with anyone else, hope weekends would be good.
-

shoutout to my bestie who had been my comfort all this while, studying in school.

A tap,

Like always.

Tap tap.

There it goes again. 

The sound growing more insistent

as though it knows i'm there

tap tap tap

--go away, shoo. 

leave me alone

did I spoke it out

loud?

the words. 

tap tap tap tap

why wont you stop.

it's not as if you will stay

if i open the window

tap tap

the sound growing softer

good. 

tap.

i'm not here

--silence--

maybe it's better this way. 

Sorry for the craziness

"Blue is a colour,
so is pink
and red
and orange.
Then why is orange a fruit
and the rest not
Are they less worthy of a colour
The tone and intensity not as sharp?
For an orange can't be rhymed
but red can
blue too
and let's not forget green
Actually wait,
greens are vegetables.
So if two "powerful" colours add together
what do you get?
A carrot" 

"Im seriously questioning your sanity" " it sounds like a poetry of a madman" 

"That makes bunnies the most powerful creature on earth
one day rabbits are gonna rule the world"

"I don't know what to reply." "Wth, i swear i will kill you one day for your madness"

"Oh do you know rabbits babies are called kids,
so we should fear children
so inevitably
we are fearing our own reproduction system"

 "Oh lord save me from this mad girl." "You fear your own reproductive system...?!"

"So we are most afraid of ourselves" 

-

This is what happened, when you put me through two science lectures and make me rush to teach tuition without food. I solemnly need to get my head check. XD  and not go around telling people my name is daphne.

Another day ensues.

 

A fresh page

crumbling form; a scribble, a thought, a distorted truth, a converging point 

scorched and scorned 

are we merely a figment, fighting to leave our footprints

our scars, that we desperately try to impress upon this world

this earth

on others' life 

to make a remark, a point, to make our existence

that much worthwhile;

are we fools

dancing on our graves

are we just a pity 

seeking those costumes to dawn upon our weeping form

oh dearest; 

dont cry

dont cry at my funeral my darlings

for im not there.