let's pretend i exist no more.

day 10- Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Hmm... Lf? Pri school mates?

circumstances i guess, make all the difference in the world.

I guess i understand the gap so much clearer.

It's not the first, it won't be the last.

I won't wish that i could go back,

life goes on, people change.

Ironic as it is,

stay with me forever till death do us apart

forever is such a lie,

and death is easy.

It's not about the things that stayed

or the people who had changed,

the memories are all there.

Deep inside.

I don't look at a cup wondering whether it's

half- full or half empty

i know it for sure

that it will be empty,

no matter how much water is filled.

day 09 someone i wish i could meet.

Hm... have i met that person before?

well, i like to meet my future self/ past self.

dear future me,

Please don't change so much till the present me can't recognise you.

Dear past me,

what happened?

haha. i think it's retarded.

Okay, someone i would like to meet... erm.. i like to meet choir people (:

i don't know why. But somehow the idea just struck me.

the song is still running in my head.

Nothing last forever. I'm sorry i just can't be perfect. Now it's just too late.

I would rebel against you. I dare you to mess with my life.Nice to know that you always

think emo people are attention seeker. I'm such a seeker.

Summarise summmarise.

I'm damn effing tired.

got present for chinese teacher .♥ and soul sister. ♥

buying tuition teacher tomorrow.. joyce... i don't know.. )):

fixing specs too... i think it's spoiled :D

today, ffs came over!!! . ♥.

we did IC video... my face IS NOT funny...

she kept laughing at my face.. then her face O__O

threw to insanity from her laughter.

then play hideandseek with brothers who kept trying to find us. heh.

managed to hide from them..

we got crazy and started taking photos...

and she spammed my inbox!

then went out with cousins...

saw nice stuff... things added to want list..

i went back, but the memories are no more than just a heartache.

dinner.. was perhaps the busiest time i ever felt.

every single minute i get smses by juniors.

I have one telling me she went tuition, the other telling me she's sick, the other doing spelling, the other going to dinber .____.

and the smses keep flooding... i literally ate and typed at the same time.. ):

the food is damn nice... i think i still love dessert with green tea crushed ice, vanilla ice cream with red beans. yum

and waited for the taxi for 1hr and 30mins.

bleh :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dear best internet friend which deffer a lot this year,

it went from ttatta, gracie,yb, pril, jojo, lyn but i guess ffs stayed on.

so DEAR FFS,

I'm not sure why either, but you never fail to make me smile... :D

even till now, i'm still smiling reading your messages..hehe. . ♥

thanks for always being there. I ♥ you. I don't mind getting

yelled at or scratched at by my evil sister. But please try to

get divorced soon. It will be the end of my suffering.. that is

till my evil sis start spouting her illogical sense of math.

I don't know how or why we got close,

but i'm glad we did.

We do the craziest stuff together. skip class,

go around the school and orchard.

I think we just go to the mental institution together.

No matter.

I wish you to let go and be happy.

I shall just be the duck who quacks for you.

Love, sister in law. . ♥

FARIHAH IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

SERIOUSLY.

i mean my face isn't THAT funny...

okay.. i look retarded. see ya! >3

Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

I have no idea why but this keep running through my head today.

those screaming won't stop

even behind closed doors. I had it.

I plunged myself. deep down.

Into music. Among the noises,

i tried to find peace.

Finish revising 1 chapter of Chem!

So proud... I think i nearly gave up O___O

there was like 7 sub parts to it.

But managed to get a hang of studying...

Tomorrow physics!

i think at this rate, i won't be able to finish before fye.

oh well. going back to school during holidays to study.

Won't be able to study at home anyway..

quack quack

dear crush/lover,

hmm... the childish stunts we do.

i always love annoying you. ♥

Perhaps it has become a habit~

lover, we haven't went out for such a loooonnng time.

still, i think you will probably get a headache

just talking to me. teeheehee :D

I'm nice. Enjoy sharing scores with you,

but you make look like your slave. tsk >:

Lover, flowers and love means nothing~

okay. I think i just gross myself by typing all these.

Bleh. Off to revision/slash

dear stranger,

i wonder how i look in your eyes.

Perhaps a lil duckish?

stranger, we might be friends! :D

You will probably get annoyed by my voice.

as most of my friends did. But stranger,

i will quack for you quack quack. perhaps i'm weird.

_______________________________________________________________________

Finish chinese. so proud. first time actually writing so long.

looking forward to teachers' day performance.. don't know why though..

oh prezzie i need to get..

joyce ♥

chinese teacher!

tuition teacher!

soul sister ♥

Gpp?

not really sure..started revision..

but it's not exactly great.

careless whispers has just been another sin.

dear dreams
stop giving me hidden message. I'm dumb. Tell me bluntly what it means.
i don't know whether to wish that they come true or not.
but i wish just one time, you will come back to my dreams
like you are still with me.
i still can't accept the fact you're gone.
but i will keep playing that song you taught me.
I still wish you will come to my dreams once more.
i miss you so much.
sharon. rest in peace.
you taught me to love
music the way it is.
i wish the memories we had
would stop fading away.

i have come to the point where no more than necessary words are needed. I don't think i ever felt this close to being exposed, all my flaws ;ugliness. I find myself trapped in my own air bubble. Unable to breathe, afraid to trust anymore. Walls close in, as i cry myself to sleep once more. Not for the past, but for the naked present i rest in, and the unknown future my heart no longer hope. No more beliefs in a happily ever after. I bit my lips and go through the motions of life. I'm truly tired. perhaps i have repeated it over and over again, emphasis has never been clearer. I can't hide, no longer can i run but i will never collapse in front of those watchful eyes who wish to see me fall. So i will keep it. locked tightly away. throw away the key. And let the insanity threw me off cliff.

i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.i hate it. i hate being here. i hate it. i hate being here.

Hey Dad look at me

Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according
To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting
My time doing things I
Wanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me


‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect


I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore


And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright


‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect


Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand


‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

but why can't you see.. past my imperfections.

it's as though nothing i do can ever be right in your eyes.

you will always be able to find faults with me

every single day

i have to hear your shouts.

when will this ever stop.

I'm sorry i can't be perfect.

i can never please you in any ways i am.

i wonder if you truly know me

you will probably be disgusted.

On this day of your life, Daphne, we believe God wants you to know ... that no matter how good you try to be to others, you will occasionally hurt them. Forgive yourself for it.

somehow i can't. i just screw myself so badly inside, knowing that they are hurt by me. i'm not going to do the letter for today. i have nothing to say to them. Maybe i'm oblivious to them. who knows.

finish ss. quite fun. now doing eng. tata

day 02 - my crush

heh.

we are supposed to comment on how great elearning is.

and always ffs comment bring me smile (:

me : beneficial? making me fall asleep and laughing to myself

ffs- "make you fall asleep --> boring. Laugh to yourself --> fun. hahaha

me: I'm contradicting myself. The irony of being a lit student.

sighhhh. Lit was funny. teeheehee. I miss lessons as usual. I miss stealing brother-in-law away. I miss retorting back at yvonne. I miss meena and her hyperventilating skills. I miss a1 and them cracking me up. I miss pril. I miss everyone in school. But i don't miss homeworks. bleh.

Dear crush.

hmm.. i watched you fall for others. You just see me a fake cousin. nothing more. Oh the irony.

dear lover,

i promised to be a good duck to you ^^

dear brother-in-law,

i stole you from my persistent violent sister who abuse you non stop. Love always, your sister in law.

Okay. i think this 30 letters is getting weirder

day 1- best friend

uh...honestly i'm stunned at this question.

friends come and go as they please. I have seen much, and deal with a lot of drama-political-crap

uhhhh... i shall just dedicate this to few people.

TO LF;

You make my day whole. Really truly. Along with your sickness and stuff. We went through a lot.

I must say i was closest to lyn. Then, with jojo and her fighting, we seemed to scatter much.

I got closer to rekhy this year, surprisingly. Oh the joy. We met with nat. Had our first Lf

movie outing. There's so much i wish to tell you, so much to say, yet we seemed to have

drifted. i wonder why myself. But i wish you all the very best.

Whenever you need, this duck is still here.

To a1s.

yes. they meant a lot to me too. haha. Those naughty lil peeps whose always insist that i'm

either les, gay or both. but known affectionately as a pedo. HAHA. Anyway, i know

it seemed that the section isn't really bonded.. well and stuff. Somehow i always

hope it will be. but it's getting better yeah? I realize a lot of superficiality in choir,

i seen you cry, your laughters, your problems. Hey, i'm there okay.

Yes, we might be rowdy at times. But awesomness it always there.

Cliche a little but then i hope you see that

smiles do go a long way. Especially when i hear you sing nicely.

haha. section outing is finally coming up.

then i realise that there isn't much time in choir already.

Will miss you all so terribly much :(

thanks for bringing joy and chaos to my life.

To the brother-in-law/sisters/cousins

Haha, yes this is for all of you. meow, wrufff. quack. hiss. oink.

animals bunch of people.

Thanks for sharing my tears and laughters.

Though we don't meet up often,

i'm always thinking of you!

Ps;i miss all of you very much.

April.

YES THERE"S ONE FOR YOU.

haha. you taught me to remain strong.held on to faith. to believe in Him

i walked out of being emo, and back again.

yet i knew you are always there.

yes, we have a fight slash misunderstanding. but

that just show us how much closer we bond.

Loverr;

Haha. Didn't miss you out.

we been through the most i guess.

all the drama crap stuff.

Always your duck (L)

ps: i will NEVER eat duck meat.

okay...

this is like turning into a long long essay.

Joyce:

always being there. You're always the sensible one

Don't let it swell. I'll see you on tue.

Others :

sorry :x you all do impact my life

it just that i can't turn my blog into this

1000 words gratitude letter

so i will give you'all a hug when i see you next.

love you all. Thanks for bringing

out the best in me.

and always being there.

To the friends who drifted;

i miss you all a lot.

But i'm glad for the times we have togther

no, i don't regret.

Love you all. always duck aka daphne

30 letters.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

copied and paste from jojo's blog.

oh well.

On this day of your life, Daphne, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's okay to receive.

really? in reality or so, i always feel like i owe something back. but i believe in equality. Sucks that life as we know it, is unfair.

born to love Him, i can't say i am. But i been praying more often. i guess. It's seemed like reality check is giving me the cold splash.

cold drenched deep darkness, cold heart merciless slap.

Just stop all of these. I live each day basked in your loves.

suicidal still. But i been getting better. i think.

oh well. stay till death do us apart. apparently

lp freak out over it. ..

don't burn your amath worksheet. i won't even be able to rest in peace.

a double edged hope.

i am a nutcase who talks to the television

Haha, thanks.

though i still think we sounded as though we were talking about ss...

sources are reliable and unreliable too. It just prove only how reliable are they, don't be a fool to trust it to be 100% reliable. After all, sources are sources.

and even if 99% of the sources fail, there is still 1%.

so when the world crash you have me.

i was like awww..

one day without tears. thanks

dear blog.

i wish i can stop spending

every single day crying

and wishing that i can just sleepover in school.

somehow it seemed better.

oh well,

the world came crashing down once more

with pitfalls and bombs

looking at them dance, how they work. i get so inspired.

wishing the same thing would happen. But looking at it.. i just sigh.

each arc, every single one of them filled with emotions.

remember all that had been said today,

my results prove to me what i had already been trying to avoid.

If i can't still sort out my emotions, i might have to retain.

i still goes like oh. my. eff. what. the. d. damn. nice.

All so dedicated to their own passion. Even though having

one week of break, yet still staying back to do.

Hearing how instead of rushing to something i used to love so much

i'm even feeling tired of thinking of it.

i wish i wasn't this way. so tired. so sleepy.

the world came crashing down once more.

still waiting for ffs.

i hear those words. i cringed.

take a walk. breathe deeper.

search deeper.

and let it out all at once.

the things you have kept so perfectly.

one after another.

i want to go for the trip.

and i took it all in.

the cold slap of reality

How do i stop bothering. was i even a bother to begin with

my mind twirl with confusion.

i wish i can just tell her everything like i used to

but i can't. it kills me knowing i have to hide.

I don't get why you have to drag her into this.

Now she is talking to me, i hate knowing this and

having to pretend everything's fine.

I'm such a freak in your eyes

it's almost the end of year already. cruel.

I probably looked the same.. yet underneath all had changed.

Talking to primary school friends and school teachers.. i miss those days.

Where somehow that happy go lucky seemed to fade.

I miss you today. Didn't come. Such a wet blanket.

they always say you would regret saying those words,

not appreciating them when they're around. It's only when you lost it,

then you started feeling upset. True.

I miss;

~My trainee lit & chem teachers

~My pri sch choir conductor & sec1 conductor

~Sec2 teachers

~Ex-emath teacher

~the times we had in sec2/pri sch

I just stood in the sun,

watching it shine down on me.

Feeling its warmth,

yet i knew,

even when it is sunny outside,

it would always rain in the inside.

We met as strangers. I was laughing with mine, you were with yours.

Yet somehow we managed to end up in the same way

all jumbled up and messed up.

You, always absent and leaving me worrying.

I, always so upset, leaving no tears detected.

Met not by fate, yet bond as one.

Got together due to marriage,

It took me awhile to realise

you have always been there

doing all sort of crazy antics

just to cheer me up.

My smiles with you are never fake

Though you can't be with 24/7

But it's just enough.
To feel loved and cared for,

that's all i need.

so today, on our first dinner date.

I want to say

i love you brother in law.

truly... (dum dum)

thanks for always being there.

Homework's killing me

Ss essay

amath 2009 2008 2007

Chinese newspaper

tuition homework

Chem wb

English compre

A math 11.2

Physic study!!

Projects due.... in week 10

I wish to fast forward to holidays

then i can go k with the others.

But i wish to rewind

back to those memories.

yet i wish to pause

at this moment,

where we are not yet

in our armor going to war.

Yet, time is on play

and there's no controls.

We just have to watch

and do the best we will

ever be.

Stupid idiot. Bask. Go ahead. Bask in my tears. Act all proud and mighty. GO AHEAD. I won't care less. Damn you. Just go ahead. Laugh at me. Scorn at me. I won't care less. I won't let you touch a freaking finger. Ask your teacher to call me. I couldn't call less. Say it. Yeah, stupid showoff.

What share. Do you even treat me as a sister? Oh and the best thing she could do is look at her drama and tell me i'm childish. Great. Just great. Gang up on me. Make my life worse. Isn't going any better either. I already have a hard time in school. Just great. Eff. The tears are coming. AAARAGH. I hate being so weak. i can still HEAR you. I'm not dead. GO AHEAD. I DARE YOU TO CURSE ME DEAD. Arn't you always wishing i would run away. GO AHEAD. I can't care less. DAMN YOU. BREAK THE DOOR. haven't you always done it?! GO AHEAD. Make sure you take your weapon with you. I can't care less to leave this world.

Miss you like crazy..

gah.. and you're gone for 17hrs.

I feel like going to poly somehow..

Somehow, i miss choir. Among all

my works and test, I miss the people in there

no matter how tiring... I miss it.

probably why i refuse to go to the poly

brother in law wanted to go,

is that there isn't choir.. not

that i have a chance of going into

choir.. considering how sucky my voice is.

But at least, i want to be in a school

where there is choir.

Somehow i went back to posting here...

dreams.. we all have ambitions and stuff.

They may laugh at our dreams

But that's okay.

They won't understand.

What's it like

to see each dreams

being crushed

Probably why

every single one

Counts more.

The series of events. all boil down to this.

I shall do my work and stop thinking of

such stuff.

moved. Gone away

somehow i think i'm always emoing a day before performance.

;eeks. damn scared. I wish I weren't that afraid of messing up..

I grown no confidence of myself. Yet irony is,

According to meena, i'm very confident -.-

I guess with each passing day

the act just get better.

I tire myself too much at times

I wish i wasn't that insecure over my voice

especially how hypocritical people can get

i don't get it.. It upsets me.

Taking the blow yet again..

screwing things up.

Somehow i don't feel excited anymore

just a tinge of longing to get this

emoness all away

lf outing was superb!! ^^

nat and per was like damn freaking early 8)

haha. but rekha and i were like freaking late

ps: the train broke down!! HAHA

i think the whole mrt station heard me screaming

anyway, watch inception... was laughing histerically...

i guess nat always still sick and all...

inception is a nice movie. a must.

i spent the whole time explaining to hen

what's it about. tsk.

hehe.

but anyway, there's a lot to reflect upon the movie.

maybe we are now dreaming, and when we sleep,

we wake up in reality. Or perhaps we are in some sort of limbo

now and this is all just one long dream. We feel pain.

Haha, they were like saying must be in my dreams,

always have ducks everywhere. soft toys... fluffy~

perhaps that's why..

nat left earlier, forgetting to bring her jacket..

i was joking!!!! I was like we left your jacket at

the movie theater.. when you get there next time,

go get it. HAHA. SHE THOUGHT I WAS SERIOUS.

but the best part of the movie is still about letting go

forgiving yourself.

rekhy was like we should have a

daphne emo club!!! then we can sit and share

the stories. You always give people bits and pieces.

Ah. but it's never too good to put one faith with one person.

Don't count the eggs before they hatch.

went out today with v to eat.

HAHA.

she was like singing you're my sunshine

and i 'm always the one to retort back with gloomy statements.

Thanks people

even though i never did tell you

that i was close to tears today again.

put one faith in the only constant